Sunday, March 8, 2015

Being Vegan is Not for Me

I tried. I'm done. I quit. I am officially raising my white flag to this vegan challenge.

I was going along fine for the last 10 days eating a whole grain high carbohydrate diet with greens, tofu, soy yogurt (yuck!), seeds, legumes, nuts, vegetables and more vegetables, and with the occasional fruit (most of the fruit in Maine right now is coming from Mexico and is pale and flavorless and juiceless. I'd rather go without, thank you) but I JUST CAN'T the last 3 days. I'm so over it.

All I can think about is eggs. I wake in the middle of the night drooling about all the things I could make with eggs: fried eggs, scrambled eggs with cheese, eggs Benedict, frittatas, coddled eggs with herbs, deviled eggs, mmm deviled eggs. There is a constant stream of dancing eggs in my sleep. This is just ridiculous.

I do home pressed juice cleanses almost monthly and never, never have I had cravings like this. All I can think about is eggs and cheese! It is like those are the only foods in the world and if I don't eat them I may die. Oh and I am constantly hungry. I ate every 2-3 hours yesterday and every 2 hours I was hungry again. And I was eating good things too. Kale salad, homemade granola with almond milk and blueberries, leftover tofu and brown rice stuffed cabbage rolls, rice noodles with kimchee, but it was never enough. And then, on top it all, I was craving something sweet last night. I never crave anything sweet. I so rarely want sweets that they don't even exist in my house. So I attempted to make the banana ice cream I am always seeing with a little bit of bittersweet chocolate nibs. Which really was more of a brown, cold, overly banana tasting soup and that was deeply unsatisfying. I went to bed hungry and dissatisfied, dreamt of eggs all night and woke up this morning still hungry. I surrender.

And I know it isn't me. Clearly my body makeup is not designed for a long term high carbohydrate diet. Being vegan is not for me. I need some fats and some animal protein because otherwise I am this egg obsessed person who only sees eggs in place of faces. I hate this constant awareness and obsession with food. I normally have very good strong will and know how to identify why I am having a craving, but this is obscene. My entire head-space is food obsessed and I cannot continue to live like this.

But that was the experiment - to see if veganism was for me. Over time I have lessened and lessened my animal protein intake naturally, so going completely vegan, and being inspired by Dr. Neal Barnard, has led me to my egg obsession. But as I have learned, just because you think you "failed" at a diet, it is that the diet doesn't fit your body's needs, not that you don't have the capacity to stay on such a diet. Not all diets work for everyone and this is why so many of us "fail" when we go on an overly restrictive diet. I know it isn't me. Veganism is just not nourishing my body in the way that it needs. Listen to your body. It knows best. And my body is telling me to eat eggs and some amount of animal protein. And that is just right for me.

This morning's breakfast. You bet your ass I ate eggs! Man were they delicious.


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