Thursday, November 12, 2015

I Give You Permission

I just had lunch with a friend and she gave me the permission to have down time.

I know that seems silly that I would need permission, but it wasn't like she said, "Oh you can," in fact she said, "You must!"

This friend mirrors my own faults and strengths, because she too, has the same strengths and faults, just a few more years of saying fuck it and doing it her way. I admire that about her in so many ways, I am not even sure she knows how much I look up to her. She has broken the mold, goes against the grain, and trudges her own creative, fulfilling life-path, in all the glorious cliche on-liner ways possible – but in a totally real, authentic way.

But back to permission....we do not give ourselves permission to be. To be in silence. To be alone. To decompress. To actually ask, "what do I want?" We go, go, go and expect that we can get it all done and then some; struggling with the expectation that we can have fulfilling lives that are stress free, full or greens, great health, tight abs and restful sleep. Well, that is just bullshit! How can any of us know what fulfilling and happy is for us as individuals if we don't allow ourselves to come to center first?

I have finally given my notice at the job I hate (!!) which is exciting and relieving and stressful all at the same time. I have placed this insane amount of pressure on myself that I need to wrap up this 9-5 job in a pretty bow, so that anyone who precedes me will have a nicely mapped out road map – what the fuck, right!? They didn't have that for me when I started 4.5 years ago, why am I taking it upon myself to fix that now that I am leaving??

I am applying further pressure on myself to stay on top of my school work, start my health coaching business in full swing – take on clients left and right, build my website, host workshops and cooking classes, and network like a mad woman – and continue getting freelance work in marketing for some source of income right now, and keep doing marketing work for a client I already have, AND write great blog posts ;) , and build my brand; AND lose the stress, sitting-for-too-many-years-at-a-job-I-hate weight, that try as I might won't budge (even though I know as soon as I am living my authentic life, it will just slide off), AND to have a more balanced diet, drink less wine, watch less crap TV, and, and, AND!

It stops here! I'm going to do what I can between now and my end date at the 9-5 and then I am going to just BE. I need to just remember who I am, what my priorities are, how to focus on my health and self-care, also to catch up on sleep, and remind myself of the simple things that make me happy.

I am still going to pursue all the things that I am super excited about establishing – a health coaching business, helping people do exactly this - prioritize health; a marketing and design business; and working as the program coordinator for a mentoring program that I love and greatly believe in – but I am going to allow myself the luxury of nothingness after the holidays. I hope the whole month of January is a month for me. A month to breathe, to come back to center, to prioritize and re-emerge with purpose, focus, good health, mental and emotional strength, and can-do hunger to manifest the life I know I can make.

For the friend that gave me permission – I too, give you all permission.