Tuesday, January 12, 2016

How Much Will I Let the Fear Take the Wheel and Steer


Scared shitless. Or motionless.

Pit in your stomach, lump in your throat F.E.A.R.

It sucks! It's scary! But it's there...

Acknowledge it. Embrace it. Jump feet first into the deep end.

Rachel Brathen Yoga Girl

We are held back by our fears. Some even live their entire life fearful of the "what if" so they don't do, go, say, be.

What if we stopped being so fearful of being our authentic selves? Why do we worry so much about what others think or say? Or are doing better than us? Why do people feel the need to shoot others down? Fear. Be you. I'll be me. And if we all just be who we know in our hearts we are meant to be and embrace fear with love - wow! what a world it would be!

I am not one to even begin to talk about embracing fears. Fuck that, I quit, I'm staying in bed today! I hate fear and I spend a lot of time contemplating fear - emotionally, logically and intuitively, swinging between all three before I finally make a decision. I figure there is nothing scary about jammies, and cozy blankets, fuzzy socks, and puppies sleeping on my feet, yup that's where I am staying!

Okay, well not really, because as tempting and comforting as it is to hide under the covers, if we don't embrace our fears and take that leap of faith how will we ever grow, manifest, build, change, create beauty and light and love?

We are all unique. If we embrace our authentic selves and just put it out there we will get authenticity and love back. (right?? I hope....eek)

And I am not writing this post as a preachy you-should-finger-wagging, nope this one's for me. This is a step toward letting go of my fears. For if I say them out loud and publicly, maybe they will be less scary (maybe).

Doing this, alone is a fear of mine! Posting a post about my fears! Ack! I am such a private person. Notice any profile pics with my face? Nope, scary. Notice that there is a level of personal information but only so much? Yep, fear. I am afraid to put myself out there. I am afraid of the loss of anonymity (yet I want to grow and become a public figure one day. Yeah, I know, I know, oxymoron walking!) I am afraid of failing (this one's bad!). Of not making money. Of the unknown. I'm afraid of the fact that I (finally!) quit my well paying (yet, I hated it) job and not "making something of myself". I'm afraid of disappointing the people and loved ones that are rooting for me. I'm afraid that if I start showing my face, body and yoga videos on social media that I will be judged and bullied by the horror-story-cyber-bullies you always hear about. And I am afraid that if I put it all out there and fall flat on my face publicly, I will be doomed to the under-the-covers-cozy-bed-of-fear for the rest of my life.

To all I say Fuck it! I cannot and will not live under the fear covers for the rest of my life. I. Can. Not. Because if I do, I will get to the end of this life with regrets and what ifs. We cannot die wondering what if. And if this is the only life we get then we must not spend it running from fears, hiding under the covers and wondering forever about the what-ifs. So embrace your fears. I'll embrace mine and together fear will not be the driving force for the decisions we make. Let love and intuition be the driving forces in our lives.

Rachel Brathen, Yoga Girl

I leave you with with some inspiration about embracing fears and change. 

The Flying Trapeze, by Danaan Parry’s Warriors of the Heart, excerpted from © INTEGRATIVE NUTRITION, INC.:

Sometimes, I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I’m either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments, I’m hurdling across space between the trapeze bars. 

Mostly, I spend my time hanging on for dear life to the trapeze bar of the moment. It carries me along a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I’m in control. I know most of the right questions, and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I’m merrily, or not so merrily, swinging along, I look ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see? 

I see another trapeze bar looking at me. It’s empty. And I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart of hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on the present well-known bar to move to the
new one. 

Each time it happens, I hope – no, I pray – that I won’t have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place, I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moments in time I must hurtle across space before I can grab the new bar. Each time I do this I am filled with terror. It doesn’t matter that in all my previous hurdles I have always made it. Each time I am afraid I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless basin between the bars. But I do it anyway. I must. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call faith. No guarantees, no net, no insurance, but we do it anyway because hanging on to that old bar is no longer an option. And so, for what seems to be an eternity but actually lasts a microsecond. I soar across the dark void called “the past is over, the future is not yet here.” It’s called a transition. I have come to believe that it is the only place that real change occurs. 

I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are the illusions we dream up to not notice the void. Yes, with all the fear that can accompany transitions, they are still the most vibrant, growth-filled, passionate moments in our lives. And so transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to “hang out” in the transition zone – between the trapeze bars – allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. 

It can be terrifying.

It can also be enlightening.

Hurdling through the void, we just may learn to fly.


  1. Thank you. Thank you for the reminders!! So cute: "fear covers." Completely quotable.

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