Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Yep, There Really is Power in Now

My mom gave me The Power of Now over a year ago. At the time I had no resonance with it, I actually was kind of like, "Ugh, thanks mom Another self-help book" (cue the eye roll). (My mom is going through a similar spiritual journey as I am at this time in our lives and she loves to share those books that resonate with her - which I am eternally grateful to her, and it is also very fun to be on a unique yet separate journey to someone you love and can talk to). I read it anyway because great people I admire and aspire to be, swear by this book. I thought I should jump on the bandwagon (seeing as I am fully aware of my problem with worrying a little too much about the future).

So I picked up the book as my night time reading (haha, laughing at myself now) and got 3/4 of the way through the book throughout the year. But it was like pulling teeth. The questions seemed redundant. The passages a little woo woo (whatever that means ;p ), but I HAD to trudge through and keep reading. I am going to be spiritually enlightened god damn it! And this book will get me there!

Tried as I might, I just didn't want to pick up the book and each night as I fell asleep (quickly I might add) I was a little more annoyed with it.

Granted a little over a year ago, the idea of self-reflection and enlightenment were not an option. I was miserably unhappy and the emotional turmoil of my career situation ate at me on a daily basis that when barely scratched, would bubble over the top as emotional sludge. In hindsight, while I thought I "should" be reading this book to find enlightenment in that current moment, that now was so far from who I am, that having that mirror reflected in my face made it even more painful. I was SO tired of my story, so stuck in my story and so negative.

To complain is always a nonacceptance of what IS.

Yep, and SO what I was doing.

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep you inner space clear.

So the mostly read book sat by my bedside table, eventually collecting dust, and eventually got filed on the bookshelf among the already read books, and forgotten. 

A lot has changed for me in the last year and that story, that thing, that job that was the unhappiness, the ongoing complaint - required action. I was not able to accept what was, at the moment, nor, could I accept a future of the same. So I acted. As scary as it was, as Tolle says you must chose one of the 3 options, all else is madness (which it was). I had also come to a heart-felt space. I was no longer angry. No longer did I feel taken advantage of. Not seen or heard. Not appreciated. I had encapsulated the experience and learned A LOT about myself - identification of my own self worth and necessity to establish boundaries.

Action arising out of insight into what is required is more effective than action arising out of negativity.

For whatever reason last week, I went right to where the book was on the bookshelf and decided to read it. From the beginning; with fresh eyes, an open heart and mind. It is funny because I completely missed some passages in the intro of the book the first forced read-through, so much that when I read it this time, I laughed at myself out loud as to how oblivious I was! 

I trust that this book will find its way to those who are ready for a such radical inner transformation and so act as a catalyst for it. I also hope that it will reach many others who will find its content worthy of consideration, although may not be ready to fully live or practice it.


Until you are able to experience what I speak of, you may find th[e] passages somewhat repetitive. As soon as you do, however, I believe you will realize that they contain a great deal of spiritual power, and they may become for you the most rewarding parts of the book.


..any teaching that puts the spotlight of attention on the workings of the ego will necessarily provoke egoic reaction, resistance and attack.

I read past the 3/4 of the folded over page from the initial, laborious reading a year ago, in one day! I took notes, wrote in the margins, folded corner after corner of pages, cried, laughed, smiled at myself and completely forgot to eat or pee. I got it! I get it! This book is profound!

That day for me was profound. My life is SO entirely different from where I was over a year ago and now my heart and self are open to this journey I am on (albeit scared when I think about it too much), but right Now all I am is excited and grateful.

That day my heart resonated with my mind and my body with the universe. I read most of the book. I walked on a cold icy beach with my puppies. Sat in the sun on a piece of driftwood, felt only the warmth of the sun on my face, even though it was only 24 degrees out and meditated and felt gratitude and abundance. Then I came home and did yoga. I felt fulfilled and nourished (although I barely ate or even thought of food all day) and was at peace and eternally grateful for my Now. 

I am so blessed to have this Now. And I know for my entire life I will have to focus on the Now. I often get worried and caught in the unknown of the future. Failure scares me. The what-if's of the future, of failure hold me back from doing. I think it is a bunch of BS when I hear people or see memes about letting things come to you or surrendering to the abundance or whatever. No, you work hard for what you get. You make shit happen, you make your life what you want, you make yourself successful with hard work and trudging through - but now I am not so sure....maybe there is something about surrendering. About asking for abundance rather than forcing it or demanding it. Maybe synchronicity isn't woo woo.....

I am forever changed by this book and will probably be one of those people who goes on and on about how transformative it is. But it is so true - you have to be open and receptive and for each of us, the journey is different and unique. All I say is don't have resistance. 

Live in the now. Love in the now. Because that is all there is.

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

How Much Will I Let the Fear Take the Wheel and Steer


Scared shitless. Or motionless.

Pit in your stomach, lump in your throat F.E.A.R.

It sucks! It's scary! But it's there...

Acknowledge it. Embrace it. Jump feet first into the deep end.

Rachel Brathen Yoga Girl

We are held back by our fears. Some even live their entire life fearful of the "what if" so they don't do, go, say, be.

What if we stopped being so fearful of being our authentic selves? Why do we worry so much about what others think or say? Or are doing better than us? Why do people feel the need to shoot others down? Fear. Be you. I'll be me. And if we all just be who we know in our hearts we are meant to be and embrace fear with love - wow! what a world it would be!

I am not one to even begin to talk about embracing fears. Fuck that, I quit, I'm staying in bed today! I hate fear and I spend a lot of time contemplating fear - emotionally, logically and intuitively, swinging between all three before I finally make a decision. I figure there is nothing scary about jammies, and cozy blankets, fuzzy socks, and puppies sleeping on my feet, yup that's where I am staying!

Okay, well not really, because as tempting and comforting as it is to hide under the covers, if we don't embrace our fears and take that leap of faith how will we ever grow, manifest, build, change, create beauty and light and love?

We are all unique. If we embrace our authentic selves and just put it out there we will get authenticity and love back. (right?? I hope....eek)

And I am not writing this post as a preachy you-should-finger-wagging, nope this one's for me. This is a step toward letting go of my fears. For if I say them out loud and publicly, maybe they will be less scary (maybe).

Doing this, alone is a fear of mine! Posting a post about my fears! Ack! I am such a private person. Notice any profile pics with my face? Nope, scary. Notice that there is a level of personal information but only so much? Yep, fear. I am afraid to put myself out there. I am afraid of the loss of anonymity (yet I want to grow and become a public figure one day. Yeah, I know, I know, oxymoron walking!) I am afraid of failing (this one's bad!). Of not making money. Of the unknown. I'm afraid of the fact that I (finally!) quit my well paying (yet, I hated it) job and not "making something of myself". I'm afraid of disappointing the people and loved ones that are rooting for me. I'm afraid that if I start showing my face, body and yoga videos on social media that I will be judged and bullied by the horror-story-cyber-bullies you always hear about. And I am afraid that if I put it all out there and fall flat on my face publicly, I will be doomed to the under-the-covers-cozy-bed-of-fear for the rest of my life.

To all I say Fuck it! I cannot and will not live under the fear covers for the rest of my life. I. Can. Not. Because if I do, I will get to the end of this life with regrets and what ifs. We cannot die wondering what if. And if this is the only life we get then we must not spend it running from fears, hiding under the covers and wondering forever about the what-ifs. So embrace your fears. I'll embrace mine and together fear will not be the driving force for the decisions we make. Let love and intuition be the driving forces in our lives.

Rachel Brathen, Yoga Girl

I leave you with with some inspiration about embracing fears and change. 

The Flying Trapeze, by Danaan Parry’s Warriors of the Heart, excerpted from © INTEGRATIVE NUTRITION, INC.:

Sometimes, I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I’m either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments, I’m hurdling across space between the trapeze bars. 

Mostly, I spend my time hanging on for dear life to the trapeze bar of the moment. It carries me along a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I’m in control. I know most of the right questions, and even some of the right answers. But once in a while, as I’m merrily, or not so merrily, swinging along, I look ahead of me into the distance, and what do I see? 

I see another trapeze bar looking at me. It’s empty. And I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart of hearts I know that for me to grow, I must release my grip on the present well-known bar to move to the
new one. 

Each time it happens, I hope – no, I pray – that I won’t have to grab the new one. But in my knowing place, I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar, and for some moments in time I must hurtle across space before I can grab the new bar. Each time I do this I am filled with terror. It doesn’t matter that in all my previous hurdles I have always made it. Each time I am afraid I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless basin between the bars. But I do it anyway. I must. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call faith. No guarantees, no net, no insurance, but we do it anyway because hanging on to that old bar is no longer an option. And so, for what seems to be an eternity but actually lasts a microsecond. I soar across the dark void called “the past is over, the future is not yet here.” It’s called a transition. I have come to believe that it is the only place that real change occurs. 

I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing, and the bars are the illusions we dream up to not notice the void. Yes, with all the fear that can accompany transitions, they are still the most vibrant, growth-filled, passionate moments in our lives. And so transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to “hang out” in the transition zone – between the trapeze bars – allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. 

It can be terrifying.

It can also be enlightening.

Hurdling through the void, we just may learn to fly.

Tuesday, January 5, 2016

Integrative Nutrition Health Coach

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