Thursday, June 9, 2016

Love = Change


There are so many different ways to define, look and be healthy. We are all different and thus health looks, feels, moves, acts, IS different for all of us.

There are standard health guidelines: eat real, whole foods regularly, move daily, be happy, have meaningful relationships in your life, have a spiritual connection to your needs/soul/God/higher power, do something that fulfills you – be it your passion-filled career, or a job that facilitates your passions outside of work. Lastly, drink water, the occasional glass of wine and remember to slow down, breathe and get consistently "good" (whatever is right for you) sleep. Oh and an orgasm from time to time never hurt anyone (well maybe, but, you know what I mean), a healthy sex life is important too.

That's it! That is living a "healthy life". We all fulfill those guidelines differently and each guideline carries more weight than others, and we all prioritize accordingly. Nowhere do you see maintain ideal weight, have chiseled abs, defined biceps and triceps, flowing long, perfectly highlighted hair, fake but real looking long-ish nails, a perfect relationship, a perfect job – seriously forget, no better yet, REMOVE THE WORD PERFECT FROM YOUR LIFE! Seriously! The word alone is setting you, me, everyone up for failure and disappointment. Perfect is bullshit and there is nothing such as "perfect"!

If we remove perfect we focus on being easier on ourselves. We all need to be easier on ourselves! I am by no means preaching, this is just as much a reminder for me, as it might be for you. I think everyone struggles with this. We are all our own worst critic. We pick ourselves apart, we are constantly striving for perfection (there's that evil word again), we are never enough, doing enough, trying hard enough, and then we compare to others and that ups the ante even more, we need, want, must be something that what we aren't right now. It's gotta stop.

We must all accept ourselves as we are RIGHT NOW! We can't continually live for the "if, then's"....if I lose 50 pounds, then someone will love me. If I work extra long hours, then I will get the raise I deserve. If...then, if...then...if we all continually live from if to then, then we will never really be living our lives now. Right now.

There are so many amazing body positivity campaigns, models, progressive movements in media right now, which is AHMAAZING! It is about time we show diversity in media – size, color, sex, gender – the more we see that we are all different, unique, beautiful, and embrace different definitions of beauty and success, we might all learn to be a little easier on ourselves. To learn to love ourselves more. And I'm not talking about ego here, I am talking about genuine, heart-felt, compassionate, non-judgmental, forgiving love towards self.

Change comes from love – externally and internally – I am thinking this might be an amazing mantra for our world right now. Without getting political and global, addressing the overwhelming amount of hatred and anger and horror and sadness in the world, imagine if we approached ourselves with love and compassion, we could only approach others with a similar love.

There is a preponderance of professing self-love in media (or maybe it is just what I am aware of) which is awesome and completely necessary, but I worry about this possible trap: the need to publicly declare self-love because it is the hot thing to do. Any positive self-talk makes a difference in your perception of yourself (side note: please, please, please for yourself and everyone, stop the self depreciating, breaking-yourself-apart-talk. You might think it is funny or somehow will allow you to save face in front of someone, but the more you do it, the more you absorb it, mentally, emotionally, physically and the more you believe it. If you are your own worst critic and you are constantly cutting yourself down, then you know what, you actually believe it.) With that being said, don't lie to yourself either; if you are not feeling positive about yourself and you are hating on you, you are much better off saying nothing – out loud or mentally – then the funny, self deprecating comment. If publicly decreeing your self-love, or your no thigh gap, your bulbous-y toes, your small boobs or your dad-bod then by all means, do it, sing it loud and proud, show it off and be you! But don't do it, don't lie to yourself because you think you "should".

If change comes from love, no amount of self-hatred, self-depreciation, or faking it, saying "I'm loud and I'm proud," but still cutting yourself down inside your head or in front of the mirror naked, will facilitate real, lasting change. 

Accept, love, embrace, acknowledge yourself as you are right. this. very minute. Say it, say it now, out loud, "I love and accept myself, as I am right this very moment." Don't add a "but" or a "..." to the end of that or an "if, then," say it over and over and over, and if you know anything about Emotional Freedom Technique (see my post) tap while you profess your self-love. Do it now. Do it daily. Do it whenever you feel the self deprecating comment lurking.

If you want to change – your body, your mind space, your job, your life, your relationship, your dread of exercise – those changes will come from a place of love, a place of full acceptance, as is.

As we can see, not much changes inside us, within our immediate circles and in the bigger world from hate. No change comes from hate, self-deprecation, or cutting yourself or anyone down.



If we all learn to work on loving self more, perhaps, perhaps will learn to love others; and then real change is possible.



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