We have gone to a plethora of weddings in the last 8 months. Apparently I am at that age where all my friends are getting married, which is super exciting and I couldn't be more happy for my friends and their embracing of holy matrimony. I am all for celebrating in their wedded bliss, but do I always have to be starving and consequently drunk at all weddings? (Because there is no food, not because it is wedding, mind you!)
Going to weddings, or any large function for that matter, when you have food allergies sucks! There is never food you can eat. When people try to feed a large crowd it is always food that our gluten, dairy loving society thinks we all love to eat, like casseroles which ALWAYS contain gluten and dairy. Case in point last night's wedding meal included meat lasagna, veggie lasagna (at least they attempted to think of the vegetarians, one win....ish), Israeli couscous (which are not gf), spanikopita (which I SO miss and I forgot how much I miss it until I saw it staring up at me in all it's flaky, butter goodness! I am determined to find a gf phyllo dough just to make spanikopita), scalloped potatoes (which are a risky choice, you can very well make scalloped potatoes with no flour, but commonly flour is sprinkled in with the potatoes and mounds of cheese to help it all stick together) and salad, oh and green beans, with an unidentifiable cream sauce. The wedding before that, had more veggie options (thank gosh! But it was a friend with similar food preferences), but still there were croutons in the the salad, more cheese than anyone could ever attempt escaping and still only 3 things I could eat, but even then it was a limited supply, by the time I went up for seconds I got the last few cold charred veggie cubes and the meal was over. And don't even mention desserts, ha, just don't even bother with the dessert table.
It is the same at any wedding meal, I get up to stand on line to be polite and secretly hoping, that maybe, just maybe there will be something for me to eat, and more times that not, I get salad. Don't get me wrong, I love my salads, but come on people, if you are going to have a open bar a girl cannot subsist on salad alone!
Even at company parties, showers, funerals, you name the function, even traveling and attempting to rely on airport food options, the food choices are so limited that a gf, lf, veggie girl like me must leave early due to stomach pangs or sneak into the bathroom from time to time to eat the nuts in my purse.
So what's a girl to do?
The only way to go to a large function is preparedness. Assume for all events that there will be nothing you can eat, unless you count salad, but then again there is never enough salad with the understanding that it will be your entire meal; and it most likely has cheese in it, and dreaded croutons (aren't those so 90s, who even eats croutons anymore?) and you always toy with the gf and sugar demons if the salad is pre-dressed, but when you have no other options and your second glass of wine is starting to hit, you take that risk and hope for the best as you feverishly inhale your green leafs.
I eat before I go to anything, taking into account if I know the people and the function. And I pack snacks. Bring a larger than necessary and fashionably-paired-with-your-cocktail-dress purse so you can nibble on nuts, fruit and whatever else is easily portable that you can eat, while others mow on their glutenous, lactose-y crowd-pleasing torture-to-watch-them-eat food. Watch the open bar alcohol flow because that always poses a dangerous situation, and after the function rush to your car and eat the friendly meal you packed for yourself, go out to eat to a place that embraces you and all your food allergies or head home and cook something you know you couldn't have possibly found at the event, unless you intended on needing an EpiPen on the dance floor.
Another thing that really helps, is to know your food. If you know how something is commonly made or better yet, you have made it yourself in the past, it is easier to spot the glutenous and lactose-laden culprits at the buffet table. I know so many of us don't cook anymore and that makes it hard to know the components of scalloped potatoes or meatloaf or that any cream sauce was started with a roux and will inevitably have gluten in it. Loving to cook and experimenting with foods has allowed me to stand at a buffet table and breakdown the components of how a dish was made. There of course are always the 'could be' 'could not be' dishes that are tricky, you can either risk it, if you know the common preparation doesn't include gluten or lactose, you can pass it up or you can have an all-food-eating partner try it for you, to help you identify the flavors before you risk it yourself. But when in doubt pass it up.
Lastly, although I choose to eat very limited meat in my daily life, and if then it is only wild caught fish or organic, antibiotic free chicken, but even that is only a few times a month, unfortunately, meat is often a safe bet when attending a function or even going out to eat in a restaurant. Fish and chicken, however, are not wise choices because our gluten-loving compadres feel that gluten and cream needs to be added to all fish and chicken to somehow make it taste better. I say if you were more inventive with your cooking methods gluten nor lactose would have to be used to sell fish and chicken to the masses. Which leaves you with beef. I almost never eat beef, pork or lamb, but when eating out they are often safe bets. Again you have to look out for cream sauces and breading, but often if it is a nice cut of meat, the establishment doesn't want to do much to hide the fact that you are paying for a nice slab of meat. You have to look out for is soy sauce which is often used a flavor enhancer and tenderizer for many beef cuts. A piece of wisdom I have learned over the years, if you are like me and don't eat read meat often, I would highly recommend getting a slow cooked option, like slow cooked ribs, or pulled pork, any meat that the cooking process already started to breakdown the protein fibers. The slow cooking starts to "digest" the hard to digest meat fibers making it easier on your stomach. I would not recommend this if you never eat meat and have been a vegetarian for years, but if you choose meat, because of limited options, go with something that is pull-apart tender, your stomach and digestive tract will thank you. Just be careful of cooking methods, again looking out for soy sauce and brown sauces. So while I choose to not eat meat in my day to day life, sometimes the red meat options are safer when it comes to balancing out my food allergies to my preference of eating a vegetarian diet.
So while I am more than happy to celebrate with anyone, I am all for a party, even to celebrate your dog's birthday, but can you please, please start considering those of us with food allergies and not put gluten and dairy in everything, so that again I am only left to eat salad. There is only so much salad a girl can eat (and that is normally because salad is considered a side and there isn't enough to get seconds). Thank you and congrats in all your wedded bliss.
