Tuesday, June 14, 2016

We All Have Shit Days

This morning I woke up cranky. Like binge-watch crappy reality TV, stay in my PJs til 3 pm, eating a bowl of popcorn the size of my head, and drinking before noon cranky. I didn't want to see anyone, do anything–even the dogs were annoying me! That is saying something!

So I angry cleaned, but that didn't even work. Cleaning was making me crankier, whaa?! Angry cleaning often makes my mood better, or at least the clean house does.

So I just surrendered. I accepted my cranky bitchiness, plopped down on the couch and watched embarrassingly bad reality TV. It was deeply satisfying. After some leftover heated up scalloped potatoes, scrambled eggs and too many cups of coffee, I still wanted to throat punch everyone that crossed my path (no I did not actually throat punch anyone, I stayed home for this reason); I mustered up some energy to get the few things I needed to do today, done. I reluctantly peeled myself off the couch, half-assedly put on yoga pants, like somehow that is an acceptable equivalent to PJ pants (trust, I contemplated wearing PJs in public today. NO I did not, don't judge) and ventured out, hoping to holy hell I saw no one and didn't have to talk to anybody. Don't even get me started on the irritation level when I got to the place and had to wait 30 minutes because they were closed for lunch, "Seriously, who needs to eat lunch?!" (See the irrational anger of the day!)

I finally got home which took longer than expected, I barely dressed enough to be seen in public and 30+ minutes was passed the point of safely not running into someone I know.

Of course the dogs are pleading for their daily walk, "Fuckiing dogs! God why did I get dogs?? DoggsAH!! I don't like doggsah, whhhatt do you waaant from meeeee??!" (It's bad people!)

But I took them on a walk to the post office, which is not a regular walk for us. It is relatively short and on a really busy road with no sidewalk, but they seemed to enjoy it, and shockingly so did I.

Now that I had my "must dos" done, it is time for the PJs to go back on, the wine to come out, the buttery, salty goodness to coat my finger tips and epic bitch battles of all that is reality TV to commence...but wait...that is not exactly how it played out.

I came home. Doggies panting and happy. I didn't get the buttery salt kernels going, instead I made an Asian coleslaw with napa cabbage, red cabbage, sliced, raw poblano pepper, fermented cabbage, ginger, carrots, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, garbanzo beans in a white miso, honey, garlic, rice vinegar, Braggs liquid aminos, and sesame oil dressing. It was delicious and crunchy and salty and nutritious (clearly not an important goal of mine today). And surprisingly I am less eager to drink wine, shame watch TV and shove popped corn in my mouth.

The takeaway as to why I am sharing with you my irrational ire that has perpetuated throughout this crappy day...acknowledge, accept and even embrace where you are emotionally. Don't try to ignore it. Say out loud, "I am feeling fill in the blank (crabby, bitchy, cranky, moody, emotional, throat punchy, hangry) and I love and accept myself." It is okay to have a shit day, a shit mood, hell, a shit period in life, it happens to everyone. Rather than unleash the self hate and loathing; acknowledge, love and accept that you are human, that you have emotions, hormones or a deeply twisted relationship with popcorn and just allow yourself to be that. It too shall pass. Or maybe it occurs to you that you are PMSing hard core and that explains all the craziness! Seriously don't mess with a bitch PMSing, get her whatever she wants and slowing back out of the room. Even saying out loud, especially to your significant other, "I am PMSing hard right now," is SO valuable! To you and your significant other AND your relationship. They don't take it personally. They understand your need to eat everything in sight and will be more likely to do a junk food run for you. Win, win. And no petty fights.

Don't be ashamed of your emotions, head space, or general meh-ness. Accepting it, allowing it space to be, then pass and even kindly reminding those around you that you aren't always a heinous bitch, will allow them to give you space, and still love you once it's passed. Oh, and a little bit of exercise really, really, like really, helps with a shitty mood. Yes, I know, it is the last thing you want to do, but even 5-10 minutes, seriously, just walk, you'll be amazed! Seriously, I am somewhat amazed that I don't have butter running down my chin right now.

Lastly, my whatever meh-ness today reminded me of a simple interaction while standing in line at a cash register yesterday. The woman in front of me had two fussy kids, a cart full of baby necessities, and a bunch of cards and coupons in her hands. The kids were flailing and fussing. The mom scanned each item with her phone before placing it on the conveyer belt (coupons?) and then ended up paying with 5 different cards. Every few seconds telling her kids to be quiet, or sit still and wait. I stood watching the whole thing, thinking well poo I picked the wrong line, thinking 1 person would be faster then the other line of 3, ha ha. Rather than switch lines, rather than judge, I stood there and observed. The mom got more and more irritated. The kids couldn't do anything right. The kids were getting louder and louder and the cashier was judging SO hard, that by the time I got to the register she made a noise, an eye roll and a geez-head nod, like "get a load of that." I didn't engage immediately as I think she was hoping, you know, get on the judge-y train. Instead I said, "She looks like she is having a rough day." The cashier looked surprised and then went, "Awww." Like how sweet, I guess. I didn't think much more of the interaction, other than we ALL need to be less judgmental of each other (me included!). If we interact with everyone with compassion and love, then judgment doesn't have a place.

So I sincerely hope that in all my bitchy, throat punching thoughts, ire-filled morning while running my few errands, no one was judging me and not understanding I really would rather have been on my couch in all my PJ-princess, bitchy glory. We all have those days. For all you know that is the day the lady in front of you in line with the screaming kids is having.

Remember compassion for self and others. This has been my lesson over the last two days.