Be Kind to Yourself, You Are Beautiful

A few things have crossed my path in the last week or so that have made me think about women; our perception of self, of beauty, of each other and our insecurities. The concept of beauty remains to be this unattainable entity that every woman strives to achieve, yet never fully feels they get there, even when verified by others. Women hold themselves to incredibly unfair standards, constantly comparing and judging others, and more harshly themselves.

I went to a remote island with a group of friends last week. It was perfect day. The sun was shining, the water was cool and clear. We had the entire beach to ourselves. It was spectacular. There were women, men, a bunch of kids and a dog. It was a sand-sun-filled day. As I enjoyed the obvious beauty and freeing nature of an island beach all to ourselves, I noticed something else; women covered head to toe, sweating in the sun, more concerned about their bodies than enjoying the day. This broke my heart. I will take any excuse to be in a bathing suit. Maybe it is because I grew up on a beach and a beach to me means free, clothing-less happiness and lots of swimming. I just assume everyone has the same enthusiasm at the first hint at a beach day. But then I realized the reality is more like anxiety for most women around a beach day.

The perception of our bodies is completely unfair, media and Hollywood culture lead us to believe we should stay covered up unless we have perfect chiseled muscle definition and no extra fat anywhere, but the reality is most of the women in this world aren't like that. We are busy women, moms, career women, moms with careers and houses to maintain, mortgages to pay, an insane amount of responsibility to maintain our lives, that fitness gets bumped down on the priority list, naturally. Hollywood women and women depicted in magazines are paid to look like that, that is there full-time job to work that hard to look like that. It is completely unrealistic that the everyday woman compare and judge herself to that perception of body image, it is like comparing apples and oranges. So stop.

From www.theexposeproject.com

I came across The Expose Project, Shedding Light on Collective Beauty, these beautiful photographs of real women. Women who we can relate to because they look like us. Women of all shapes and sizes, because that is what is real, women like you and me. We should not judge each other on our rolls or stretch marks, we should not judge each other at all, because the reality is we are all just living our lives and trying to find our own individual happiness.

I loved clicking through the images of The Expose Project because the women looked happy and comfortable in their own skin; and beautiful. The beauty came from the twinkle in the eye, the huge smile and the ability to bare it all regardless of the potential judgment. I love how liberating that looked and I suspect felt.

Back to my day on the beach. I was surrounded by beautiful women, mostly moms, who refused to take off their clothes. This meant not digging in the sand with their kids, going for a swim in the cool water, playing football and bocce ball in the sand or trying the paddle-board out. But it made me wonder what if we were all easier on each other and subsequently ourselves. If we all cared a little less about what others thought and willingly showed our bodies, extra rolls, stretchmarks, cellulite, 6-pack abs, thigh gap, or lack thereof, showed it all, #loveyourlines we would all start to actual see what real bodies look like. We would start to see real as beautiful rather than having this skewed sense of reality because we only see "perfect" bodies in bathing suits. And even then by the time we see those images in magazine they have been so re-touched that the realness of the model/actress is entirely removed. We need to learn to love what our bodies are, not what they aren't so we can help others and especially younger girls know that there is no shame in wearing a bikini regardless of what your body looks like.

By not taking of our clothes, society doesn't see that are other definitions and images of beauty. By covering up we are claiming silently that there is reason to be ashamed. Young girls around us get used to seeing only magazine bodies uncovered, not mom's or auntie's or grandma's and they instantly compare and question why. If we all wore our bathing suits with pride, the illusion of perfect bodies would diminish because we would all see that we are all beautiful in our own right. Our bodies are what allow us to move and live on this Earth in this form. For women it allows us to bare children and create new life. We all have stories to tell, inner strength and a beauty that if more people would see, would start to see the real you, not the image of the you you struggle to portray; holding your breath, covering up and sucking your stomach in for others to not see what you judge so harshly.

Men are not concerned by judgement or fat or paleness or stretchmarks. They take it off and run around with pride. Men always can look at themselves and find strength and pride to be a man. Women should and can do the same. Find something to be proud of that makes you a woman. I think we can all learn from men, they willingly take their shirts off at a moments notice and they aren't ashamed to show their bellies, hairy chests and backs, moobs, pasty-whiteness. If they can do it, why can't we?

As uncomfortable as it might be, the next time you go to the beach with a group of friends, bring your bathing suit and actually let people see it. If one of you is gutsy enough in the group to bare it all, eventually others will too. It is a domino effect. We see other women, normal women, having fun, enjoying the sun and the water, enjoying the whole point of being at the beach that you stop noticing her cellulite and stretchmarks, but instead notice the beauty from within of having fun, smiling and participating in life. We can't just let our lives pass by covered up. Think of the message that perpetuates to the younger generation of girls. We are getting further and further away from allowing them to find beauty in self if we insist on portraying that we are not beautiful, involved and loving life, because we are too concerned about what our bodies look like in bathing suits.

So suit up, put on your sunscreen, head out to the beach and have no shame. At first you might be self-conscious and nervous, but as soon as you start digging in the sand with your kids, or killing it at football in the waves, or even just laying and reading your magazine feeling how nice it is to have the warm sun on your rarely exposed skin, you will forget that you are indeed in a bathing suit, but instead will notice how beautiful the day is and how beautiful your life is.

And if you need one last bit of encouragement, look at all the beautiful photos of The Expose Project as a reminder that beauty comes in all packages. We could all be a little bit more confident and less apologetic like the beautiful women in these photos. Thanks Liora K and Jes Baker for shedding light on the real beauty each woman is born with, by showing us the beauty in others, so we may see it in ourselves.