The Power of Sleep

Sleep is an amazing thing that most of us don't think much about and certainly don't pay enough attention to, nor appreciate enough, and yet most of us are sleep deprived most of time...

As with anything in my life and my body I am putting myself through a current experiment with food, well more the, lack of some foods. I have been without alcohol or coffee for 2 weeks now. I am actively trying to find answers to a few things: 
• why my liver doesn't seem to be processing as well as it could
• why my cells aren't at optimal turnover and rejuvenation, given my age and good health
• paying more attention to how certain foods on the Eat Right for Your Blood Type diet do or don't effect me. 
All of this inquisitive investigation came from a visit with a new naturopathic doctor I met last month. She mentioned how impressed she is with all the lifestyle and dietary changes I have made over the years. So, unlike most of the patients that go to see her, we were able to talk about optimal health with a fine tooth comb and evaluate the nitty gritty of my diet and lifestyle. As always, I came home and did some research since I am an info junky, and now I am giving some of her ideas a whirl, plus adding in some extras of my own, including: eating my largest meal at lunch time, actively getting vegetables into each meal, drinking only 1 cup of green tea in the morning (that's all I want and need, as compared to my 2 cups of coffee), starting each morning with hot water and lemon, probiotics and yoga, having breakfast everyday (which happened naturally as soon as I cut out the coffee, I am naturally hungry within the first couple hours of waking).

Per the ND's suggestion, I read up on Dr. D'Adamo's Blood Type Diet approach to eating. Of course I know it. I have learned about it, in fact, I did a report on it in school, way back when (again another hint in my academic career that nutrition was the path for me - duh!). Without thinking much of it I haven't had chicken in a month. Crazy, right!? I don't think I ever thought to cut out something so benign and common in my diet. (I guess I've cut out chicken before on the vegan diet, but all I could think about was eggs, read that funny post here.). B blood types should avoid chicken, oddly enough there is a lectins in chicken, that Bs specifically do not assimilate well. I roasted a chicken with veggies the other night, man was it good. But the gas that immediately came after - yeah, not so much. I didn't eat the chicken for a day. Then had a very small amount yesterday, again, gassyness. Weird? Right? Who the hell ever heard of chicken making them fart? But something may be there. Maybe the blood type diet theory is onto something. I eat relatively close to it already, given a few changes, and switching out avoids for highly beneficial foods as a B. From a scientific standpoint it makes sense. We all evolved from certain regions in the world. And based on those regions we had limited resources to food. So our bodies adapted and evolved only knowing, eating, assimilating certain foods, it is in our DNA. It was not like it is now, where we have a global food marketplace and everyone eats everything. The Blood Type Diet focuses on our ancestry. Our blood types are a clue to our regional heritage and with that knowledge knowing how to eat based on how our ancestors ate and is optimal for our DNA. Interesting indeed!

I woke up this morning impressed by my quality of sleep lately. I have always valued my sleep. It is super important to me to get enough quality sleep. In fact, it is even more important for anyone around me that I get enough sleep. I am wretched if I don't. A couple years ago A and I stopped sleeping in the same bed and room because both of our qualities of sleep were being effected negatively that it was causing tension in our relationship. We both have different needs when it comes to the quality of our sleep; down to a difference in blankets, temperature of the room, waking in the middle of the night for water or to pee, lighting, moving too much; let me tell you it is amazing given our many, many sleep-need differences that we slept in the same bed as long as we did. It is not a reflection of the quality of your relationship if you do not sleep in the same bed, by the way! If anything, sleeping in the same bed may be some of the problems in your relationship. Just consider it.

It has always been a bit harder for me to fall asleep. I have to read in order to fall asleep. It is rare that I can crawl into bed and fall asleep. Typically I read for 30 minutes and then fall asleep. God be with you if you wake me up in the middle of the night. Man am I cranky. That also means I do not wake up in the middle of the night. I don't get up to pee or drink water. Occasionally I wake up because of stress and too many thoughts (but not nearly like I used to). And I used to wake up regularly on my period, but not since I started using the Diva Cup. I kid you not, it has changed my periods forever! And for the last 6 months, I have been waking around 3 am most nights, and that was because of my liver. So, now that I am addressing that, no more waking in the middle of the night and I am so stoked about that. I also wake up slowly in the morning. Not groggy per say, just everything moves slow. I don't like to be jolted awake, I hate alarms for that reason. I like to lay in bed, stretch, keep my ear plugs in long after my eyes are open. I like to be silent in the morning, with little talking or interaction, except maybe with Addi, our golden boxer. That is one of the few times in the day she is cuddly, so sometimes she gets in bed with me as I read or write early in the morning.

I typically go to bed between 10-11 p,m, and wake anywhere between 6 and 8 a.m. For the last 2 weeks though, I have been up no later than 7:30 bright eyed and bushy tailed. Still not jumping out of bed and talking a mile a minute (like a certain someone else in my house ;) ), but I am waking very mentally clear and excited and energized for the day. I am eager to write first thing in the morning and eager to do yoga in my PJs and bathrobe. Normally I would get up, go get my coffee and lounge on the couch for an hour or so, depending on the day's agenda. But these last couple of weeks I am excited and energized to get up to start moving my body at 6 am! Speaking of moving, it is amazing my poop lately (yep, I went there, you can always count on me to talk about poop) it just falls out as soon as I wake up. No I am not pooping in my bed, don't worry! But seriously, I open my eyes, I fart once or twice and then I need to poop. And it just slides right out. Boom, done easy, clean. So cool! 

If you had asked me over a month ago if my sleep was good, I would have said yes. In fact, I think I even wrote on my intake forms for my visit with the ND that yes, my sleep is good. But now, having such a close comparison, wow, what a difference! I am sleeping so much better now. My sleep is deeper and better quality. I am waking refreshed and energized and eager to move first thing in the morning, which is new for me. I have always had to wait to do my yoga until an hour or two after I woke up, because otherwise I would get nauseous. Now I am eager to get on my mat. I make my cup of green tea and roll my mat out. I sit with my tea for awhile, and then I slowly start stretching, which turns into a full yoga routine, always ending with inversions in my aerial silk. Never have I been able to do inversions in the morning soon after waking without extreme nausea. It is really fascinating. Similarly in the past, if I have to get up early, like 4 or 5 a.m. I woke up nauseous. Now, part of me is wondering if that was a condition of my lifestyle habits and it's effect on my sleep, more than the hour of the morning. Hmmm....

Bathrobe yoga is the best!

I haven't used an alarm in over a year. I am waking naturally. I have historically fought waking up. I can feel it coming in a semi-conscious state. I can feel my body waking, my eyes fluttering, but I would resist as long as possible. Holding my pee as long as possible, forcing my eyes shut as long as possible, just for a few extra minutes of sleep. But these last 2 weeks. I wake up, eyes wide open, no resistance. I have clear, energized, exciting, creative thoughts and I am excited to start moving and creating and being in the day. Also I have spent a large part of my adult life waking up for coffee. I love coffee. I think coffee is a justifiably wonderful reason to get up in the morning, because I thought it would wake me up and give me that energized feeling, which I am waking up with now, still in bed, without the coffee. It is interesting to watch A get up and his first train of thought is coffee, in a semi-awake zombie state. I have done that same zombie shuffle most of my life too. I now have the comparison as a helpful reminder that I have the power to control what I put in my body and the where-with-all to pay attention to how foods make me feel and sleep. If the goal is optimal health, to live longer, healthier and to feel good, for me that is the most important; I want to feel good every day, why not take the steps towards improving the feel-goodness of life. And what's even more amazing is you don't know until you know, until you have the comparison in a point of your life where you felt like crap and each step you make towards feeling amazing.

Like I said, I would have said with conviction that yes, I sleep great, but I didn't know. Something didn't click until now. And yes, I have given up both coffee and alcohol, many times before in my journey, and yes at the same time, but for some reason this is different. It feels different. And it is so clear that I should have done this 6 months ago when my intuition was telling me that I could be sleeping better and that my liver needed additional support.

We undervalue the importance of sleep in our society. We overvalue busyness and waking up early, as signs of being more productive, but how efficient really is that perceived productivity if the quality of our sleep is crap? I think it is worth investigating. Poor sleep effects our brains, our bodies, our hormones, weight gain, brain clarity, creativity, digestion, productivity throughout the day, our cravings - particularly for sugar and carbohydrates (Let's take a further look at that: we are nation of obese people consuming massive amounts of processed sugar and carbs, and we all feel pressure to work hard, longer and more productively and yet no one is questioning why we all need, no crave, coffee, sugar and carbs - perhaps we should be talking about the quality of our sleep more than the perceived productivity we are all so eagerly chasing), the foods we eat, the amount of food we eat, our reaction times (there is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture) our moods, our tempers, yes, even our relationships, ever notice how much more annoying your husband, or kids, or the barista behind the coffee counter are after a crappy night's sleep? Sleep is really important! I cannot stress this enough and it is something in your life that you have power to change, make better or worse, and even make ideal, based on your lifestyle choices and diet.

Don't take my word for it, put yourself through a sleep experiment, you will be amazed!

Don't Ignore the Subtle Signs

Our bodies give us subtle signs of things not working internally that go unnoticed potentially for years. Those symptoms will come and go, and even change, but often are pointing to the same weakness, something lacking or ailment happening inside. If ignored, and not addressed at the subtle symptom stage, often the weakness or ailment manifests into the scary things that it seems so many are getting diagnosed with recently.

Subtle symptoms include: sudden onset and/or constant allergies, onset asthma, rashes, sleep disruption in any way, hives, a very strong distaste for something suddenly, any form of digestive upset (yes, anything other than daily and "ideal" is concerning (reference Your Farts and Poops are Talking to you to learn more about what is "ideal" poop)), dandruff, itchy skin, waking at the same hour every night, excessive thirstiness, lethargy and a general lacking of energy, headaches, toenail fungus, ringing in the ears - the list can go on and on. Don't brush off an "odd" symptom as something fleeting, ESPECIALLY if you keep getting it or it won't go away. And just because your doctor tells you to take a medication or use a topical steroid cream to make the subtle symptom go away, really you should be wondering why it is there and why it is not going away.

Case in point, these are the subtle symptoms I have had for the last 6 months or so:
I have had a small, traveling, red, itchy patch on my face. It is barely noticeable, flakey, itchy, slightly red spot, that just won't go away. I scratch off the flakes in the morning, slather it with coconut oil and go about my day. Meh, no biggie, right..well...here are the rest of my symptoms, I have dandruff, which is pretty normal in the winter, but even in the summer, it seemed kinda weird, meh, brushed it off. I have been craving bitter flavors and grapefruit. I have not been sleeping as well as I know I can. I wake most nights around 3 a.m. I am hot and thirsty and wide awake. I normally kick the covers off, take a sip of water and read until I fall asleep. I am not normally up for a long period of time (no more than an hour) but it is effecting me throughout the day. I have been extremely sensitive to smells (no I'm not pregnant), more so than normal, where strong smells are offensive to too me, make me nauseous and make me sneeze. I have always had sensitive sinuses, but this seems more sensitive than normal. My bowel movements have been fine, but not great, irregular in consistency day to day. Oh, and I had a nail fungus on my big left toe that was more ugly looking than problematic, although now that I think about it, I dealt with a constant ingrown on that toe all summer long...hmmmm....

Pretty benign symptoms right? And with seemingly no connection. Just slightly random annoying bits of being human that don't bother my day to day functioning. I haven't thought much about any of them until recently. I went and saw a new naturopathic doctor, who was the first health care professional ever to say, "You know more about your body than I do. I am just here to support you."!!! I immediately loved her because she said that out loud to me as I sat on her exam table. So many of us fear our bodies, or view it as this mystery wrapped in an enigma that only people who went to medical school can understand and figure out. WRONG! If you are interested and curious enough, and willing enough to ask questions and trust your intuition, knowing what symptoms to look for; you know your body, and what it needs, far better than any health care professional can ever tell you. And no, I am by no means saying, go stick your tongue out at your doctor and say you know more than s/he. What I am encouraging you to do is to take control of your body, to get to know it, to ask those questions - why do I have this [rash, itchiness, sleep interruption, etc.] and make it your mission to figure out and start asking about those subtle symptoms rather than ignoring them.

With that being said, most subtle symptoms are a sign of an imbalance and often a lacking in diet. So much of what ails us can be linked to what we are eating, or really not eating enough of. So many of us eat too much animal protein, too much sugar, and processed, chemicalized, artificial foods, that are giving your body zero of the nutrients it needs, and in fact, are taking away those that you do have. We should all be eating a mostly plant based diet, with lots and lots of healthy fats, some animal protein, some whole grains, dairy and fruit, and nary the occasional treat of a packaged item, or sweet, or alcohol. Unfortunately that is not how most of us eat, and in fact, our government tells us something different. Again trust your instinct here - it know what you should be eating.

So as a person who eats that way, mostly plants, lots of healthy fats, no gluten, only fermented dairy and hardly ever a packaged item. I do enjoy 2 cups of coffee in the morning blended with coconut oil and a glass or 2 of wine each night. Harmless, right? I am sure many of you could admit worse dietary habits and vices. And yet, I have had these weird symptoms. I am seemingly healthy, active daily and eat a particularly well balanced diet, and yet, 6 months ago, my intuition told me something was off. I wasn't sure what or how, just that I needed to make a change. So did I make a change...no. :( This post is just as much for me, as it is for you. It is so funny that we can see the sign, feel the symptom and brush it off for months and even years. I (we) can do better!

My intuition told me 6 months ago that my liver needs support. It isn't processing as well as it should. And yet I'm not a candidate for any liver issues. I am young and active. I eat well. I drink only 2 12oz cups of coffee in the morning, never more and never at any other time of the day. I enjoy a glass or 2 of wine most nights of the week, and occasionally a few cocktails when out, but hardly a concern along the lines of the alcohol effecting my liver that negatively, which is the default logic. The naturopathic doctor I saw, said exactly that, in our appointment, "You are really healthy and have no problems, but I would suggest we up your healthy fats intake and support your liver more."!! Whaaat?! I could have told me that - doh! It is awesome to have your actions and thoughts validated. I knew 6 months ago, I just didn't implement the changes I knew I needed to make and she just confirmed my hunch. So cool!

She described the liver like an oil tank, where it continues to fill up with the toxins it flushes from our body. The level slowly rises from environmental toxins, to the toxins in our food, to the processing of our vitamins, minerals and medications we take every day. So while seemingly no issue arises, the liver reaches a tipping point, unable to keep up with all the toxic crap it needs to process and starts to overflow (metaphorically) and hence the subtle symptoms. We ask so much of our liver, just by living and breathing, and then add a potentially crappy diet, which leads to more medications, ie more liver hurt. And yet, what do we do to support our liver, not much in fact. And if you Google liver symptoms or issues, you get these horrendous, worst case scenario symptoms of jaundice and bleeding, that aren't helpful.

Every single one of my subtle symptoms over the past 6 months have pointed to a need for extra liver support. Red, itchy patch, toenail issue, waking at 3 a.m. every morning, irregular bowels, a recent extra sensitivity to smells, boom, signs that my liver is at the tipping point. Googling again for ways to support your liver in a natural way was helpful kinda, but I already know what I need to do, so this is what I am doing to support my liver, which is seemingly fine and healthy, and yet, if I continued to ignore these symptoms, perhaps, would manifest into something worse. I am all about prevention.

Ways to support your liver if you are already eating a clean, mostly plant based diet, with lots of healthy fats (or so I thought!) (We need far more healthy fats than even I thought was a enough (6-8T per day) - pass the EVOO!!):

• Remove caffeine and alcohol asap

• Add in green tea - it is a great detoxifier (and will help with the caffeine headache)

• Up your healthy fats in your diet and with supplements - I am currently taking 10,000IU of VitD3, 2 daily capsules of fish oil, I am also slathering on the EVOO, flax oil and flax seeds like never before


• Milk thistle - is a great detoxifier and is crucial for helping your liver process toxins

• Evaluate the environmental toxins around you - run HEPA air purifiers and evaluate the mold levels in your home (this is crucial!)


• Drink fresh pressed green juice daily that has a least 1, if not all these veggies (which are all great for the liver): celery, parsley, ginger, lemon, apple and beets




• Grapefruit and lots of it, and/or grapefruit seed extract

• Bitter greens, like dandelion, mustard greens, broccoli rabe, celery, endive, etc.
• Start each morning off with hot water and lemon


It is so ironic to know these things (and Google didn't even have all in one place! Problem solved ;) ) and even have my gut tell me these things and yet, I didn't do it until now. I think we all can relate to knowing and not doing, and then one day, just making a change. Start paying attention to those seemingly benign symptoms, they are a clue, a sign of something going on that if you investigate can improve your health with some simple changes and avoid the scary potential diagnosis later down the road.

Let's Get Personal

Let's get personal...personaal (totally intended in the tune of Let's Get Physical by none other than ONJ (that's Olivia Newton-John, BTdubs)). 

For some this may be TMI. And I don't care. I'm going to talk about periods, menstrual cycles, because I have to. Bye all y'all dudes, now is the time to bail. I know "lady stuff" makes you squeamish. For those that stick around and keep reading, you get a gold star sticker, especially if you share this with a lady in your life.

Periods are part of every woman's life. They are normal, they are natural and there is a noticeable difference between a good period and a bad period. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. Some months are awful; cramp-y, cranky, throat-punchy, where every one sucks, you get that massive red zit on your chin that hurts like a motha', you can't eat enough chocolate, wine and potato chips to make the pain stop or make you like anyone, and to top it all off you bleed through everything, on everything, when you are sleeping (hello, more crankiness), when you are out in public and there is abso-fucking-lutely nothing you can do about it, you just hope you have a sweatshirt in your car to tie around your waist. One of Those months...I get it! I've been there! Shit, we (being the proverbial ladies "we") have ALL been there! Some months are certainly better than others.

I have to say as a woman who has spent most of her life on the side of miserable during my period; insane cramps that had me doubled over in pain crying, bloody messiness that is uncontrollable, and the sore rawness that comes with that much clean-up, PMS like no body's business, diarrhea, changing your sheets in the middle of the night, you name it, I've suffered it. To now, being on the other side of miserable periods, let me say, there is hope! Diet and lifestyle changes have made a night and day difference in my life when in comes to my period. Seriously! It seems so simple and unbelievable, but seriously, remove the foods your body doesn't like, give it more whole veggies, fruits and gluten free grains, let me tell you, my periods are totally different than they were for the last 15 years. I remember not going to school, not being able to formulate sentences between sobs of agony and writhing in pain, to regular trips to the toilet for constant diarrhea. I cannot even count the number of times I bled through while sleeping and out in public. I just figured my period was "normal". It was not! At least it doesn't have to be! 

Tuning into your body and listening to it's needs, and making considerable lifestyle changes can make for a much happier period, ie you.

My period is no longer an epic geyser of torrential pain and hormones, it is manageable now. Actually, dare I say, pleasant. What used to be a heavy flow for 5 days straight with epic cramping. I now, have a few cramps on my first day and typically again on my 3rd (which makes no sense to me), but after the first 2 days of a regular flow it lessens considerably the last 2 or 3, to where a panty liner will suffice. This is a huge difference from where I started at 10. Perhaps it is because I am of "childbearing age", but I am not so sure that is only factor. 

As you well know, if you've been following me for some time, I went gluten free, lactose free, and reduced meat, little-to-no processed foods and sugar almost 6 years ago. In that time, every aspect of my life has changed, from my weight, to my seasonal and environmental allergies, to my skin and hair, to my quality of sleep, to my quality of poop and periods, to the clarity of mind, and even a career shift! Phew! It. Is. Amazing. What. Can. Change. If. You. Listen. To. Your. Body.

So the whole reason for this post is something new I am trying and I am so excited to share: for the first time ever, seriously ever, I was excited for my period to start (no, it wasn't the excited, oh shit, I may be pregnant, excitement/fear), it was legit excitement. Why, you may ask, with a side tilt of your head....I bought a Diva Cup! 

For those of you who don't know what a Diva Cup is, it is a menstrual cup that takes place of the standard tampon or pad. It is an eco-friendly, reusable, silicone cup that gets inserted into the vagina to collect the blood during menses. Grossed out yet? I know, I know, just keep reading...

I heard about a Diva Cup from @yoga_girl, Rachel Brathen, whom I love and admire and have been following for a couple years on Instagram. She inspires me in life, love, spirit and in yoga. And during a Facebook Live session she and her friend/business partner Olivia, talked about Diva and Moon Cups. The name had floated through my brain a few times prior, but never stuck. This time it did. So I did some research and was intrigued. 

Sure, I was excited at the prospect of not having to purchase tampons and pads again, and being eco-friendly, but honestly what progressed my interest more, was for the last 6 months to a year, I've been having a problem with tampons. No matter where I am in my cycle, no matter what day, I can always feel the tampon. It was uncomfortable and noticeable. It made me ache and cramp, even smaller ones. They just hurt. It was almost like it felt full all the time, but when I took it out, it never was. As soon as I took the tampon out I would be fine. Cramps, achy-ness, gone. So for the last few months I have been dealing with pads, uggh. Pads suck! I've always slept in pads and used them on light days, but to use them for your entire period is awful. They rub, they make noise, I inevitably bleed over the edges, no matter how many damn wings and "no leak" edges those suckers have, leave it to my body, I leak over those no-leak edges. 

Now I'm gonna get technical-personal, but I guarantee there must be other women like me, women with bodacious backsides. I'm talking about being bootylicious. Let's get real, butts are awesome, and some junk in the trunk is awesomer, but let me clue in into something, as a women with some junk, pads. do. not. work!! If you have a larger derriere that is tight, and you wear a pad, blood comes out between your butt cheeks. There I said it, it's out there. I can't be alone here?? Right? Try as I (I'm hoping we) might in a pad, I walk, I sleep, it goes out your butt and gets everywhere. E.v.e.r.y.w.h.e.r.e! And it is a fucking pain in the ass, ha (couldn't not with the bad pun). Soo, if you are like me and you can't wear tampons because they hurt and pads, well, pads are just useless, unless they wrap around from my belly button to my lower back, I needed an alternative.

I've been seeing those period panties lately, but dude, I don't trust those. Just how, how can there not be leakage? And isn't that more diaper-ish than a pad?? I dunno. So, I bought a Diva Cup. And I've been excited for my period since then. 

Today is day 1, one of my heavy days. I've had it in all day. And it is AWESOME!! Best period ever! I can't even feel it. It doesn't even feel like I am even on my period, or that anything is in there. No cramps, no aches, nada, zilch! I am so excited I am doing a happy dance. I look forward to tomorrow, day 2, my heaviest day, and I'm going to workout too! Today I felt like writing and drinking wine, instead of working out. I had to share with y'all my exciting news! I did walk the dogs, and no leakage, anywhere, all day. I wore a panty liner, just in case. But nothing! I've checked the cup a few more times than I probably needed to (I wasn't sure when it would be "full"), and it was no where near close to full. So now I am leaving it in longer. There was concern about insertion being difficult and leakage. No problem for me. I think you have to be well acquainted with your vagina to even consider using a Diva Cup, because, yes you will have to touch your vagina and even put your fingers inside to adjust and rotate to secure it in place. So if you are not that kind of woman, first let me ask why? And then, I will suggest, maybe work up to a Diva Cup. Go familiarize yourself with your vagina first. I went with Model 1. I am 30 and I've never had a child, but Model 2 just didn't seem right for me. I know I have a narrower vagina, so I was worried that Model 2 may be too big. Again, you gotta know your vagina before you can even purchase a Diva Cup. And really, as woman, shouldn't you be well acquainted with your vagina? I digress. 

I am also really excited to sleep in my Diva Cup! They say you can leave it in for up to 12 hours. At first, that seemed wrong, too long. I would never, ever leave a tampon in that long, but it is not the same. The Diva Cup, sits much lower in the vagina opening and it isn't "absorbing" anything, hence no toxic shock syndrome of a tampon left in too long. Sleeping in a pad as a side sleeper with a tight ass, is a nightmare, literally! I get up all the time in the middle of the night during my period. I have to check it and even sleep with my hands wedged in between my legs to make sure the super, sized nighttime pad plus two liners behind it, don't move, it is awful! And even then, I regularly bleed through. I may for once be able to sleep the whole night through on the first night of my period. Mind blown!

I am beyond excited for my experience and not too ashamed to share it with you all. We need, no, we must talk about this stuff! There is no shame. We are women and we SHOULD have happy periods. Until day 2, wish me good, leak free, stress free sleep tonight. I'll post more tomorrow.

Movement with Intent

I am not initially sure what drew me to to my yoga mat. It certainly wasn't my childhood experiences with yoga. Yoga sucked when I was a kid. All the loud breathing and ohm-ing and laying on the floor for no reason. I wanted to run around outside.

For years my athletic ability has been hard, fast and competitive. Push harder, be stronger, test the limits of my body, stamina and endurance.

I think I even may have been drawn to yoga as an adult because of the fancy poses. I really, really wanted to master a headstand, handstand and crow pose. All of which I can do, but I've realized that's not it. I also started to turn to yoga for my nagging sciatica and psoas troubles. Regular practice has made the nag non-existent, well that, and a new bed! Seriously, totally digressing here, I thought I was just working out too hard, sitting too long or holding my pigeon pose for too long. Nope! It was my bed. A recent trip to CO shed some light on the potential that my bed might be the issue. I had little to no pain while traveling and sleeping in foreign beds, yet as soon as I got home, bam, sciatica and psoas nag back in full force. We all underestimate the value of a quality bed and in turn quality sleep. If you wake up stiff or with aches and pains, consider a new bed. Seriously! So simple, but literally transformative. For months I was thinking my issues were getting worse. Each morning I was so stiff and achy.  'I must be getting old.' Nope, got a new bed; all aches and pains gone. It just occurred to me this morning that I haven't paid any notice to my sciatica in weeks! When it used to be a daily constant nag. Craziness I tell you.

OK, digressing aside, something has changed with my approach to movement. Sure there will be days where I want to do a sweaty spin session or go for a run, but lately, I would rather be more in touch with what my body is telling me than how hard my mind wants to push. 

My yoga practice lately has been more meditative and spiritual than fancy and bendy. I am more interested in poses that restore me and center me, than standing on my head. My new alter is bring a new spiritual awareness that I have never felt so strongly. 

Something has shifted and I can't even really put words to properly describe the shift. But the take-away I hope to share, is listening to your body. So many of us need to push harder, be stronger, sweat more, but there is something about connecting with your body, soul and spirit in your movement. Sure you can sweat. But do what feels good, not what you "should" be doing, not another rep to finish the round or holding chaturanga until you collapse.

There is something to be said about movement with intent, with love, and I think that is the true practice, move your body because you love it, not because you want to punish it, or yourself. Sit still and listen to your breathing because you want a deeper connection with loving yourself.

Sometimes the harder we push the more resistance we get, maybe stop pushing so hard. Maybe surrender. I know, it's hard and surrender is scary, but so is learning to love self. Surrendering to yourself and then "shoulds" and the self-competition is healing. Don't worry if your definition of "exercise" is the same as anyone else's. And also allow it to change. As a person who has spent years pushing my body as hard as possible until it ached, I think there might be something to listening, embracing, loving, accepting and moving my body and mind to connect more to my heart. Move with the intent to love self. And listen to your body, it will tell you the movement you need.

I Give You Permission

I just had lunch with a friend and she gave me the permission to have down time.


I know that seems silly that I would need permission, but it wasn't like she said, "Oh you can," in fact she said, "You must!"

This friend mirrors my own faults and strengths, because she too, has the same strengths and faults, just a few more years of saying fuck it and doing it her way. I admire that about her in so many ways, I am not even sure she knows how much I look up to her. She has broken the mold, goes against the grain, and trudges her own creative, fulfilling life-path, in all the glorious cliche on-liner ways possible – but in a totally real, authentic way.

But back to permission....we do not give ourselves permission to be. To be in silence. To be alone. To decompress. To actually ask, "what do I want?" We go, go, go and expect that we can get it all done and then some; struggling with the expectation that we can have fulfilling lives that are stress free, full or greens, great health, tight abs and restful sleep. Well, that is just bullshit! How can any of us know what fulfilling and happy is for us as individuals if we don't allow ourselves to come to center first?

I have finally given my notice at the job I hate (!!) which is exciting and relieving and stressful all at the same time. I have placed this insane amount of pressure on myself that I need to wrap up this 9-5 job in a pretty bow, so that anyone who precedes me will have a nicely mapped out road map – what the fuck, right!? They didn't have that for me when I started 4.5 years ago, why am I taking it upon myself to fix that now that I am leaving??

I am applying further pressure on myself to stay on top of my school work, start my health coaching business in full swing – take on clients left and right, build my website, host workshops and cooking classes, and network like a mad woman – and continue getting freelance work in marketing for some source of income right now, and keep doing marketing work for a client I already have, AND write great blog posts ;) , and build my brand; AND lose the stress, sitting-for-too-many-years-at-a-job-I-hate weight, that try as I might won't budge (even though I know as soon as I am living my authentic life, it will just slide off), AND to have a more balanced diet, drink less wine, watch less crap TV, and, and, AND!

 

It stops here! I'm going to do what I can between now and my end date at the 9-5 and then I am going to just BE. I need to just remember who I am, what my priorities are, how to focus on my health and self-care, also to catch up on sleep, and remind myself of the simple things that make me happy.

I am still going to pursue all the things that I am super excited about establishing – a health coaching business, helping people do exactly this - prioritize health; a marketing and design business; and working as the program coordinator for a mentoring program that I love and greatly believe in – but I am going to allow myself the luxury of nothingness after the holidays. I hope the whole month of January is a month for me. A month to breathe, to come back to center, to prioritize and re-emerge with purpose, focus, good health, mental and emotional strength, and can-do hunger to manifest the life I know I can make.

For the friend that gave me permission – I too, give you all permission.