Soaked Almonds and Loving-Kindness

There is so much to write about because there is so much going on – good stuff, building my business and growing self and my spirituality – all awesomeness!!

First an oops - learn from my mistake lesson....

I have read over and over the value and ability to get more nutrients from nuts and seeds by soaking them. Soaking helps remove the naturally occurring toxins on most nuts (hey they are meant to be planted to grow a new plant, these toxins protect the nuts and seeds) and also helps the nutrients, minerals and vitamins be more available for you to digest. Read more about the philosophy and way to soak your nuts from Wellness Mama, she explains it well.

So I purchased some beautiful, organic raw almonds and covered them with water and a bit of salt for a little over 24 hours. I rinsed them until the water ran clear and then I spread them out to dry. I skipped the suggested step of drying them in the oven, it seemed counterintuitive to me to "dry" the nuts in the oven after you just uncovered all the goodness. I thought maybe it would bake away the goodness, that, and I don't follow directions well :-P, I'm a do-it-yourselfer, and sometimes I pay the price.

So I let my almonds sit out to dry for the better part of most of a day, maybe 10-12 hours, then I threw them in a glass jar.

They were delicious, creamy, juicy (who knew a nut could be juicy?) and I also noticed I could eat fewer as a snack and feel more fulfilled and for a longer period of time. I'm sold, soaking nuts is the way to go!

So I attended a seminar this weekend, more on that in a bit, but I grabbed my jar full of soaked almonds, threw it in my bag to take with me. On one of our breaks during the seminar I realized my nuts we starting to mold - eew! So I picked out the few and went about eating my nuts. Well today, they are filled with mold, double eew! So yeah, I guess the drying process in the oven is necessary, and I suspect the super low temp (150˚ I think) won't likely do much nutrient zapping and will likely save you from having to compost your entire batch of gorgeously, soaked organic almonds.

Nice pic of almonds you might think.....but no, see the yuckiness?! Wahh! :(

Learn from me kids! Don't waste your money and FOLLOW DIRECTIONS ;-P.

So this seminar....

I took a seminar on Open Communication, also known as Nonviolent Communication with Peggy Smith, at the Green Gem in Bangor this weekend. What a beautiful, eye opening, expansive experience. It was so amazing to learn how imperfectly we communicate and how we so easily say words and judgements, often not even intending to, but being hurtful to or triggering the recipient. Hence all the conflict in the world! :o While I did learn about active listening or empathic listening in my Health Coach course at IIN, I had the ability to practice it this weekend and so much more. 

I would highly, highly recommend as a universe we learn more about nonviolent communication. It should be taught in schools early on. If we all were more in touch with our feelings and new that there are universal needs we all have, we could avoid SO much conflict. It was liberating to learn that there are core universal needs that all humans have, and no this does not mean are "needy", but that we all have basic needs that are associated with every. single. feeling. we have. When we have a feeling it is because it is associated with a need being or not being meet.

NVC is a beautiful practice and a glorious tool because communication is imperfect, but if we learn to approach each other from a place of empathy, openness and curiosity the world would be such a better place.

Lastly this ties into a book I have been reading each morning upon waking, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, by Pema Chödrön. It is an illuminating and insightful book. While I can not due it justice in a mere few sentences, what is really resonating with me right now is Pema talks about maitri the sanskrit word for loving-kindness. Loving-kindness for ourselves, which so few of us actually practice and believe is even a possibility, extrapolating into loving-kindness for each other.

I think both the book and my recent attendance to the seminar illuminates my need, but also the universal need for loving-kindness towards self, everyone and everything in this world. 

But let's each start with loving kindness to our selves.

What makes maitri such a different approach is that we are not trying to solve a problem. We are not striving to make pain go away or to become a better person. In fact, we are giving up control altogether and letting concepts and ideals fall apart.

The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves. Yet it's never too late or too early to practice loving-kindness.

Yep, There Really is Power in Now

My mom gave me The Power of Now over a year ago. At the time I had no resonance with it, I actually was kind of like, "Ugh, thanks mom Another self-help book" (cue the eye roll). (My mom is going through a similar spiritual journey as I am at this time in our lives and she loves to share those books that resonate with her - which I am eternally grateful to her, and it is also very fun to be on a unique yet separate journey to someone you love and can talk to). I read it anyway because great people I admire and aspire to be, swear by this book. I thought I should jump on the bandwagon (seeing as I am fully aware of my problem with worrying a little too much about the future).

So I picked up the book as my night time reading (haha, laughing at myself now) and got 3/4 of the way through the book throughout the year. But it was like pulling teeth. The questions seemed redundant. The passages a little woo woo (whatever that means ;p ), but I HAD to trudge through and keep reading. I am going to be spiritually enlightened god damn it! And this book will get me there!

Tried as I might, I just didn't want to pick up the book and each night as I fell asleep (quickly I might add) I was a little more annoyed with it.

Granted a little over a year ago, the idea of self-reflection and enlightenment were not an option. I was miserably unhappy and the emotional turmoil of my career situation ate at me on a daily basis that when barely scratched, would bubble over the top as emotional sludge. In hindsight, while I thought I "should" be reading this book to find enlightenment in that current moment, that now was so far from who I am, that having that mirror reflected in my face made it even more painful. I was SO tired of my story, so stuck in my story and so negative.

To complain is always a nonacceptance of what IS.

Yep, and SO what I was doing.

Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally. If you want to take responsibility for your life, you must choose one of those three options, and you must choose now. Then accept the consequences. No excuses. No negativity. No psychic pollution. Keep you inner space clear.

So the mostly read book sat by my bedside table, eventually collecting dust, and eventually got filed on the bookshelf among the already read books, and forgotten. 

A lot has changed for me in the last year and that story, that thing, that job that was the unhappiness, the ongoing complaint - required action. I was not able to accept what was, at the moment, nor, could I accept a future of the same. So I acted. As scary as it was, as Tolle says you must chose one of the 3 options, all else is madness (which it was). I had also come to a heart-felt space. I was no longer angry. No longer did I feel taken advantage of. Not seen or heard. Not appreciated. I had encapsulated the experience and learned A LOT about myself - identification of my own self worth and necessity to establish boundaries.

Action arising out of insight into what is required is more effective than action arising out of negativity.

For whatever reason last week, I went right to where the book was on the bookshelf and decided to read it. From the beginning; with fresh eyes, an open heart and mind. It is funny because I completely missed some passages in the intro of the book the first forced read-through, so much that when I read it this time, I laughed at myself out loud as to how oblivious I was! 

I trust that this book will find its way to those who are ready for a such radical inner transformation and so act as a catalyst for it. I also hope that it will reach many others who will find its content worthy of consideration, although may not be ready to fully live or practice it.

And

Until you are able to experience what I speak of, you may find th[e] passages somewhat repetitive. As soon as you do, however, I believe you will realize that they contain a great deal of spiritual power, and they may become for you the most rewarding parts of the book.

And

..any teaching that puts the spotlight of attention on the workings of the ego will necessarily provoke egoic reaction, resistance and attack.

I read past the 3/4 of the folded over page from the initial, laborious reading a year ago, in one day! I took notes, wrote in the margins, folded corner after corner of pages, cried, laughed, smiled at myself and completely forgot to eat or pee. I got it! I get it! This book is profound!

That day for me was profound. My life is SO entirely different from where I was over a year ago and now my heart and self are open to this journey I am on (albeit scared when I think about it too much), but right Now all I am is excited and grateful.

That day my heart resonated with my mind and my body with the universe. I read most of the book. I walked on a cold icy beach with my puppies. Sat in the sun on a piece of driftwood, felt only the warmth of the sun on my face, even though it was only 24 degrees out and meditated and felt gratitude and abundance. Then I came home and did yoga. I felt fulfilled and nourished (although I barely ate or even thought of food all day) and was at peace and eternally grateful for my Now. 

I am so blessed to have this Now. And I know for my entire life I will have to focus on the Now. I often get worried and caught in the unknown of the future. Failure scares me. The what-if's of the future, of failure hold me back from doing. I think it is a bunch of BS when I hear people or see memes about letting things come to you or surrendering to the abundance or whatever. No, you work hard for what you get. You make shit happen, you make your life what you want, you make yourself successful with hard work and trudging through - but now I am not so sure....maybe there is something about surrendering. About asking for abundance rather than forcing it or demanding it. Maybe synchronicity isn't woo woo.....

I am forever changed by this book and will probably be one of those people who goes on and on about how transformative it is. But it is so true - you have to be open and receptive and for each of us, the journey is different and unique. All I say is don't have resistance. 

Live in the now. Love in the now. Because that is all there is.

Eat the Damn Cookie

There are plenty of posts circulating that you can read about "How not to break your diet this holiday season," or "Avoid the Holiday Bulge," and "Tips for not ruining your life with all the indulgences this holiday season," etc. These are great, helpful even, if you really are one of those people who worries about diets and dieting and gaining weight "this holiday season."

Yes, I am well aware that temptations are a-plenty. Hors d'oeuvres with ooey, gooey goodness, creamy dips that make you wonder how can a bowl of white glob be so darn good. Treats, and sweets, and candy and booze, oh my!

So yes, watch what you eat, if you really must, don't gorge yourself nightly for 2 weeks straight, but if you get drunk or eat so much you need to be rolled home from the holiday festiveness, enjoy, be festive and merry and bright. Don't worry.

There is something to be said about just having a grand-ole-time with your coworkers, your friends and your family. So what if you "cheat" or are "bad" - enjoy! If you spend so much time fretting over what's in that dip or how many cookies did you really eat or what number glass of champagne is this, oh and now I must punish myself and eat salad for the next whole month, you my friend are not just being.

Embracing the holiday festiveness, enjoying the merry, love, laughter, dips, treats and champagne will not ruin you, your diet or all your hard work towards health nirvana. If anything being healthy is a lifestyle not a one-off, will be ruined by a few days of indulgences. There is health in love, in connecting with those you love, in laughing, sharing a meal and singing carols together. The feel-good hormones you get from the love and sharing that is the holiday season is nourishing enough on a soul level and will actually make you live a longer, happier and healthier life. Stressing about avoiding the snack table and bar will actually cause more damage in your inability to just be and live and love, than if you just ate the damn cookie (or 5 ;) ).

So my tip for the holiday season is try your best. Try to maintain balance. Drink some green juice to counter the cookies. Add a dark leafy green your holiday feast. If you get the chance to move your body, even if it is just dancing with your grandpa or chasing the kids, it counts! Have your Christmas morning mimosas, New Years' Eve champagne, your Hanukkah Manischewitz wine, and Festivus nog, because this time of year comes once a year. You may as well cut yourself some slack and enjoy, indulge, feel loved, give love, and just be, because you'll actually be healthier and happier than trying to remember the hundreds of tips of not gaining that holiday bulge.

Merry, festive, brightness, balance, peace, love, laughter and joy to you all. 

Cheers!

The Privilege of Choice

I was watching a documentary the other day about food and health, naturally, and while the documentary was illuminating and insightful, the lingering thought I have walked away with is, "Wow, I am privileged."

No, this is not going to be a post about how privileged I am in a "rub-it-in-your-face" sort of a way, but in a the sense that I, we are lucky. Stay with me, for a minute.....

Each year I attend the Camden International Film Festival. It is a phenomenal, small town, here in Maine, documentary film festival with films on a wide variety of topics from film makers all over the world. It is an expansive, emotional, heartfelt and a heartbreaking weekend. Where I learn so much and am exposed to so much in such a condensed time frame, that as soon as the festival is over, my butt is aching, my sciatica is screaming at me from all the sitting, I am exhausted and have gas from all the sitting and irregular eating times – all I can think is I can't wait for next year!! #CamdenIFF2016!! But again, the lingering thought I'm having this year, is "Wow, I am lucky. Wow, I am privileged."

This most recent documentary, Way Beyond Weight, which I watched curled up on my couch with my puppies, eating some delicious, now-forgotten, gluten free treat, was about obesity in children around the world, with a primary focus on South American children. So clearly there is privilege there, due to the socioeconomic difference of them and I, but that is not the privilege I am talking about. 

The privilege I noticed is around choice.

I, we, are privileged because we have a choice. We have the resources and financial capacity to have a choice in what we eat. That alone makes use privileged. The fact that we can have conversations about having a gluten intolerance, or preferring to buy organic whenever possible, or farm fresh eggs and free range, grass-fed meat....Holy crap! We are lucky!!

The fact that these are our conversations, that I have the privilege of writing a blog about food in this way, period dot makes me privileged. The fact that you are reading my blog because you too have a gluten or diary intolerance, or are just interested in learning more about food, makes you privileged in this sense. The fact that there is choice rather than eating only what is available to me is what struck me. So many of the children in the documentary didn't have a choice, because their parents didn't have a choice, due to lack of resources and money and wherewithal. These people were eating what was cheap and what tastes good, which food chemists have nailed down to science. These people are addicted to the sugar and fat and sodium and gluten in the cheap packaged foods that are widely available to them in their remote areas, because fresh vegetables and fruits don't travel well, are expensive and don't last long. They have no choice.

It broke my heart to watch these people suffer with billion dollar backed food scientists tricking their very human instinct to need sugar, fat and salt. And they don't have any external references to learn differently or know more. They barely knew what a carbohydrate was. And food labels with more "healthy" terminology actually were believed to be healthier for them. My heart sank.

So back to my sense of privilege or luck or wherewithal, or whatever you want to call it, the fact that us, as Americans, or maybe not even the typical American, but those of use who consciously choice what we eat, the quality, quantity, the source; the fact that we can reject something because of a food allergy is privileged. 

We are darn lucky to know what we know and have the resources to make these decisions. I am by no means trying to draw a line between "them and us" but there is a line created by government and food conglomerates that are preying on the underprivileged and poor around the world. 

My strong will is no better than any of the children in the documentary when it comes to eating potato chips or candy or soda, I am made of the same DNA. My body when given copious amounts of sugar, fat and salt, only wants more. It is designed that way people! It has nothing to do with strong will, that is a losing battle that food science is banking on, and actually it is down right unfair!

So those of us who know the difference, who have a choice, who make conscious buying choices, it is our responsibility to help others understand the battle we are all up against. Regardless of socioeconomic standing, with these billion dollar food science conglomerates intentionally fooling us and feeding our inner cravings that easily turn into monsters, even for the strongest willed of us. It is science and DNA and their bottom line is money and we are the sufferers.

So if you are like me, you are privileged to have a choice and subsequently make such choices, continue to do so! Each of us can be our strongest by consciously choosing where we spend our dollar. But also when given the chance to educate, it is our duty to have a better, healthier human race that is not being fooled and ultimately killed by these perpetual toxins in these packaged foods that are deigned to taste that good.

Eating For You

Ever considered that your eating habits are directly related to your emotional and mental state? We all know about binge eating ice cream when we go through a breakup, a glass of wine taking the edge off a stressful day or how comfort food is exactly that, comforting. But what about the other side? Ever notice on a day that is yours, a day that you dedicate to you, your future, your well-being, your happiness, "a you day;" a day where you do what you want, don't worry about any one's needs, wants or desires, that that day effects your eating habits in an entirely different way?

I have noticed during the week my food and drinking habits are regimented, timed and cerebral. I eat because I have woken at a time that is forced. I have to eat because I am going to work and I can't eat at my desk when my body actually tells me I'm hungry. I have to eat lunch at a designated lunch time, because I have to go back to work. Sometimes I have to eat lunch quicker, or earlier, or later than I would like because of work. And dinner is impacted by the remainder of my day at work, my workout schedule, my energy and the energy of my Honey's day too.

The weekend days and days where I don't work, the days that are mine, I eat completely different. Food is not regimented or cerebral. It is a visceral, enjoyable, a non-thought process way of eating. On the days that I do my IIN class for the week, I feel so nourished, emotionally and mentally, knowing I am working to a better more fulfilling future that food is celebratory, nourishing, healthy and fulfilling in a way that is simple, satisfying and honest. On these days and most weekend days I do not immediately wake and eat food. I have no need to. Nowhere to go, no schedule to abide by. I can eat based on my body's need and not the time on the clock. This unregimented schedule allows me the capacity to really listen to my body's needs and real hunger. I think so often we get caught up in the schedule of the weekday hectic-ness that meal times are scheduled regardless of what our body needs.

I notice I eat a lot more on the weekdays that I do on the weekends. I think because my weekday schedule is not natural for me and also I am not as tuned into my body's needs as much as I am tuned into the forced schedule of a 9-5 job.

On "my days", I start with a morning cup of green tea, with the occasional splurge of a single cup of coffee, sit on the sun porch on warm mornings, or even outside, or curled up in the cozy chair with the dogs and a blanket. Letting the morning grace me slowly and naturally. I love quiet mornings, when we are all still a little groggy. The dogs aren't entirely rambunctious yet and they still want to snuggle in bed or on the couch while I read a good book, catch up on my class, or even sometimes watch a DVRd favorite show or movie. (Ever since I was a kid there is something nostalgic and cozy about starting a weekend morning with a favorite show you waited to watch in anticipation of Saturday morning cuddles and tea; or a perfectly reflective, inspiring or romantic movie that sets the tone of the day.)

Oli helping me study

I love to wake slowly and quietly, which is great because although A doesn't wake slowly or quietly, he does like alone time first thing in the morning. We say are morning hellos, kisses and hugs, cuddles and embraces all around, dogs included. We go back to our alone spaces of quiet, him in his office reading the latest news online while drinking coffee and me reading, or learning, or cuddling, watching or doing yoga in silence. It is glorious. We emerge a couple hours later ready for the day together.

Typically we don't eat until mid-day, sometimes skipping a formal breakfast in lieu of a brunch-type meal either leaning toward lunch or breakfast foods depending on the mood of the day. But the meal is always healthy, nourishing, simple and in smaller portions that we normally gravitate towards on a weekday. Maybe it is because we are not rushing out the door to get to work on time. We have embraced our natural rhythms and had our mornings to ourselves that food is a secondary thought, only speaking up as minor hunger pangs arrive. 

Weekends are always the time when I feel inspired to try a new recipe or create an exciting meal and have friends over for dinner. There is something nourishing on a soul level that food is no longer a cerebral process, instead is a relationship between me and the food, me and A, us and our friends, us and the natural rhythm we prefer to have when left to our own devices.

It is funny, you would think that with the regimented schedule of the week we would eat better, more consciously, but when you both are unhappy with your jobs and each workday is an emotional and physical struggle, even when you say to yourself you don't turn to food for comfort, release, stress, what have you, we all do. Even the most strong willed will rely on food, or abstain from food, in an effort to counter something else imbalanced in our lives. You wouldn't think that something so simple as nourishment would be directly connected to our emotional, physical and mental well-being, but it is.

Next time you have a "you day," a day that is structured, or unstructured for that matter, just the way you like, the way that feels the most natural for you, a day where no one else's needs are of your concern, take note of your connection with food. Pay attention to what you eat. When you eat. How much you eat. Your emotional and mental connection  to what you are eating. Is there even an emotional or mental connection? (And if don't allow yourself "you days" - that is no longer acceptable. Start with just a single day a month. Get a babysitter. Tell your Honey to go off with his buddies. Whatever it takes, allow yourself a day that is entirely yours. You need and deserve that day. So start now.)

If you are anything like me, those "you days" are the few days a week where food is an afterthought, a non-thought for that matter. I go about my day and then go oh, I guess I'm kind of hungry. I always reach for something light, nutritiously dense and healthy. I lean towards a more liquid diet naturally. A diet full of fresh pressed green juices, or smoothies, lots of greens and fruit. Only eating perhaps 1 or 2 formal meals in that day; rather then my standard, almost mandated work week of 3 square meals. And my portions are noticeably smaller. The food tastes better, maybe because I am allowed the time to really taste it and savor it. And the concern of healthy vs not, nourishing vs filling a void, all goes away. 

It is simply beautiful, uncomplicated foods that make me feel amazing. The food and my connection with the food is an extension of my day of connecting with myself, allowing me to be me, whole, unabashedly "selfish" and learning to listen, acknowledge and let myself be. Be nourished, loved, whole, healthy, beautiful, happy, fulfilled me.

Blessed to be a Witness

The past few weeks have been more wine, than yoga and sweat *. My day job is all consuming; working 8 until 8 most days of the week of very intense, stress-filled days, leaving little time for much else. While I know this schedule is only temporary, as we move through this tough transition at work, I feel the balance of my life is so skewed and it is exceedingly frustrating, exhausting and unfulfilled.

I relish in the balance of my life, where my personal time, my time to write, to do daily yoga, get restful sleep, to make my home and garden lovely and thrive, and quality time with my family as a healthy and happy balance. It makes me weepy when this balance is disrupted. While I am willing to work long hours to help in a tough time, my work ethic is unwavering, I struggle, as I think many of us do, to maintain a balance of a demanding work schedule and a healthy, happy, fulfilling life outside work.

I dream of getting off the hamster wheel. I am perpetually amazed by those people I see and hear about that manage to survive in an atypical lifestyle, not working a mainstream job or living the mainstream life, I always romantically question, how? And furthermore, how can I?

People like Timber Hawkeye, buddhistbootcamp.com, giving up his corporate unfulfilled life of 60-hour work week to a 20-hour work week to accommodate the living the rest of his simple, and very fulfilled-sounding life in Hawaii. And "Slomo," Dr. John Kitchin, in PB, San Diego, my childhood hometown, who gave up a lucrative career as a doctor to live a life of rollerblading up and down the beach boardwalk every day, simply because it makes him happy. And @yoga_girl, Rachel Brathan, who has turned her life and love of yoga into a lifestyle brand. While she is obviously busy and surely gets exhausted from all the travel and PR she needs to do to promote herself. From her Instagram and blog, she has a seemingly beautiful life, teaching yoga around the world, doing her daily practice and living her life with her dogs and fiancee in Aruba. 
 


Sure, sure I know, we all have our struggles and social media shows the most romantic versions of our lives, so seemingly any one's life is beautiful and balanced in a snapshot. But it makes me wonder, how do people do it? How do you give up the expected job, the expected possessions, the expected grind to live the life you want, follow your passions and live with less, but actually have so much more?

I thought by moving to Maine I had done those things, and in most ways I have, because, my life is beautiful in so many ways. I am by no means complaining. I know my work hours and stress are circumstantial and will pass, but how do you work enough to live, but not so much that it consumes your life?

In my perfect world I would wake up in the morning, drink my green tea in silence looking over our blooming lovely yard, as the dog lays basking in the morning sun, followed by beach yoga and then a smoothie or green juice.

(An aside, any chance you can do yoga on a beach I would highly recommend it! Last weekend, we snuck away for mini-vacay at a neighboring beach community. We stayed in a beach-side cottage and were lucky enough to have the first warm days of spring that made it feel like summer is quickly approaching. I have always admired the Instagram of people doing yoga on a beach, like @yoga_girl. But I have never had the confidence to do yoga in public, aside from in a class, where no one is paying attention to you anyway, nor have I felt that I was at a place in my practice where I could do it in public without looking like a goon. I said f-it last weekend and did my yoga on the beach each morning. The rhythm of the waves guiding my breath and soothing my busy mind and the sand between my toes. The connection to the earth, to my body was intoxicating and I cannot wait to do yoga on a beach again. I have found I need yoga in my everyday life, and if that means doing it in public, so be it. So judge me, point, I no longer care, because I am in my own little blissful yoga bubble of calm. If you only knew and were in your own bliss bubble, you would totally get it.)

So while I envy those who make their lives following their passions and hobbies, turning them into a living. It makes me wonder, if your passions and hobbies become work, are they then less enjoyable?

I think many of you struggle with this balance as I do, and maybe you even fantasize about going against the norm and living a life that fulfills your passions, your soul and your heart. If you are one of these people who have managed to make that shift, any words of wisdom are extremely appreciated!

Until I figure out the magical balance, I plan to calm my mind, remind myself that this is just a phase, insist on implementing daily practice back into my life, and if it is on a beach, then that is even better; and continue to contemplate how I can I turn my passions into that which makes my life, and no longer have them just play ancillary roles.

The words of Ben Harper remind me to be grateful, because at the end of the long, stressful and exhausting day, really, truly I am blessed,

"Blessed to be a witness."