Love = Change

There are so many different ways to define, look and be healthy. We are all different and thus health looks, feels, moves, acts, IS different for all of us.

There are standard health guidelines: eat real, whole foods regularly, move daily, be happy, have meaningful relationships in your life, have a spiritual connection to your needs/soul/God/higher power, do something that fulfills you – be it your passion-filled career, or a job that facilitates your passions outside of work. Lastly, drink water, the occasional glass of wine and remember to slow down, breathe and get consistently "good" (whatever is right for you) sleep. Oh and an orgasm from time to time never hurt anyone (well maybe, but, you know what I mean), a healthy sex life is important too.

That's it! That is living a "healthy life". We all fulfill those guidelines differently and each guideline carries more weight than others, and we all prioritize accordingly. Nowhere do you see maintain ideal weight, have chiseled abs, defined biceps and triceps, flowing long, perfectly highlighted hair, fake but real looking long-ish nails, a perfect relationship, a perfect job – seriously forget, no better yet, REMOVE THE WORD PERFECT FROM YOUR LIFE! Seriously! The word alone is setting you, me, everyone up for failure and disappointment. Perfect is bullshit and there is nothing such as "perfect"!

If we remove perfect we focus on being easier on ourselves. We all need to be easier on ourselves! I am by no means preaching, this is just as much a reminder for me, as it might be for you. I think everyone struggles with this. We are all our own worst critic. We pick ourselves apart, we are constantly striving for perfection (there's that evil word again), we are never enough, doing enough, trying hard enough, and then we compare to others and that ups the ante even more, we need, want, must be something that what we aren't right now. It's gotta stop.

We must all accept ourselves as we are RIGHT NOW! We can't continually live for the "if, then's"....if I lose 50 pounds, then someone will love me. If I work extra long hours, then I will get the raise I deserve. If...then, if...then...if we all continually live from if to then, then we will never really be living our lives now. Right now.

There are so many amazing body positivity campaigns, models, progressive movements in media right now, which is AHMAAZING! It is about time we show diversity in media – size, color, sex, gender – the more we see that we are all different, unique, beautiful, and embrace different definitions of beauty and success, we might all learn to be a little easier on ourselves. To learn to love ourselves more. And I'm not talking about ego here, I am talking about genuine, heart-felt, compassionate, non-judgmental, forgiving love towards self.

Change comes from love – externally and internally – I am thinking this might be an amazing mantra for our world right now. Without getting political and global, addressing the overwhelming amount of hatred and anger and horror and sadness in the world, imagine if we approached ourselves with love and compassion, we could only approach others with a similar love.

There is a preponderance of professing self-love in media (or maybe it is just what I am aware of) which is awesome and completely necessary, but I worry about this possible trap: the need to publicly declare self-love because it is the hot thing to do. Any positive self-talk makes a difference in your perception of yourself (side note: please, please, please for yourself and everyone, stop the self depreciating, breaking-yourself-apart-talk. You might think it is funny or somehow will allow you to save face in front of someone, but the more you do it, the more you absorb it, mentally, emotionally, physically and the more you believe it. If you are your own worst critic and you are constantly cutting yourself down, then you know what, you actually believe it.) With that being said, don't lie to yourself either; if you are not feeling positive about yourself and you are hating on you, you are much better off saying nothing – out loud or mentally – then the funny, self deprecating comment. If publicly decreeing your self-love, or your no thigh gap, your bulbous-y toes, your small boobs or your dad-bod then by all means, do it, sing it loud and proud, show it off and be you! But don't do it, don't lie to yourself because you think you "should".

If change comes from love, no amount of self-hatred, self-depreciation, or faking it, saying "I'm loud and I'm proud," but still cutting yourself down inside your head or in front of the mirror naked, will facilitate real, lasting change. 

Accept, love, embrace, acknowledge yourself as you are right. this. very minute. Say it, say it now, out loud, "I love and accept myself, as I am right this very moment." Don't add a "but" or a "..." to the end of that or an "if, then," say it over and over and over, and if you know anything about Emotional Freedom Technique (see my post) tap while you profess your self-love. Do it now. Do it daily. Do it whenever you feel the self deprecating comment lurking.

If you want to change – your body, your mind space, your job, your life, your relationship, your dread of exercise – those changes will come from a place of love, a place of full acceptance, as is.

As we can see, not much changes inside us, within our immediate circles and in the bigger world from hate. No change comes from hate, self-deprecation, or cutting yourself or anyone down.

If we all learn to work on loving self more, perhaps, perhaps will learn to love others; and then real change is possible.

Cheat Days

Everyone loves a cheat day! It's the day of the weak that the fat kid inside all of us gets to come out and gorge with the excuse, "Oh, it's okay, It's my cheat day!" as you shove another doughnut in your already full mouth.

It's a day to go hog-wild, eat and drink what you want, of all you have been deprived of all week long. 

While I am all for indulgence, I think cheat days are dumb. Yeah, I said it! What!?

I know plenty of diets and people who live for their cheat day. I get it, one day to let loose (well kinda) and eat that which you have been avoiding the remainder of the week. But really all you get is 1 day! One day!? Does no else see this as a major design flaw to massive overconsumption?

If it works for you, great, keep at it, everyone is different. But if you are enticed by a cheat day diet plan, I say don't go there. I think it is ridiculous to restrict a whole week's diet and then indulge on one day. Most people I know who are unsuccessful with cheat day diets are those who eat everything and anything in sight on their cheat day. While I can't say I'm surprised, if you are have wicked cravings all week long and then you get one day, you are gonna eat the whole bag of chips, the whole tub of ice cream, the entire bottle of wine and then some.

Cheat day diets are not addressing the core problem that any fad diet has, which is restrict, restrict until goal weight then gorge, and likely gain more weight than before. Your relationship with food and your weight can't be that up and down; or that indulgent and then super restrictive. 

What you eat and the diet you choose to follow should be centered around balance. We should aim for balance in all aspects of our lives, especially around food. 

If we only get this one life, are you really going to be satisfied on your death bed because you ate salad every day and were your goal weight your entire life, probably not. That's not what's going to matter at that point. What will matter are the memories with your loved ones around a Thanksgiving dinner table, or enjoying cake as you watched your 1 year grandchild rub frosting in their hair, or the night you got pissant drunk on your girls night out. So what if you were never your goal weight (don't even get me started on scales!!) So what if you are perpetually 5-10 pounds around your "goal weight". At the end of it all, what will matter is if you were happy, if you loved and felt loved, were fulfilled on a soul level and were balanced!

It is actually FAR worse to swing from super "good" to super "bad". To go from a strict vegan diet to I-eat-everything-in-sight cookie monster diet throughout your life. You screw up your metabolism, your cells get all confused and if anything, your body freaks out and holds onto more fat because it is so unsure the next time it is going to get a proper meal. Your immune system, heart, brain and metabolism are all compromised when you eat on a constant pendulum of restrict-gorge.

So rather than aim for a goal weight or to fit into a tight dress for a special event, think long term, think about balance throughout the rest of your life, not just the next few months.

If you are having a craving look at it. Observe it. Question it. But without judgement! That is the hard part for most of us. Think of your craving as if you were an unbiased, third party observer. Ask yourself why you think you might be having a craving for chocolate–you need intimacy in your life? Carbs–you've been sleep deprived for 2 months? Caffeine–maybe a regular workout routine is in order? Alcohol–lets consider your stress levels. Cravings are not bad, they are a clue! Often that clue points to something in your life that is missing in love, relationships, career, movement, or spirituality.

Again balance is key; in your personal needs in life and your food needs. If you can identify a craving as associated with a key aspect in your life, that is huge! To make that connection mentally and emotionally is groundbreaking for many. And if you know fulfilling that craving in a small way will help because at that moment you can physically fulfill that need, then I say, indulge (in moderation).

But that leads me to my last point, it's not about deprivation. Have a glass of wine with dinner out with friends. Enjoy a piece of birthday cake. Eat a bowl of chips. But balance it out. Have balanced meals more often than not. Eat real, whole foods and lots and lots of veggies. Drink green juice. Exercise daily. Find love in your life. Build relationships that are meaningful. Try to like your job more days than you don't, and if you can't, get a new one. Find a way to connect with yourself, nature and your "god" on a regular basis. All these are crucial to leading a balanced life where cheat days shouldn't be the day you look forward to each week.

Live this life, now. Do what you need to find balance and joy, even if that means having a piece of chocolate from time to time (just make sure it is the best damn chocolate you can afford, seriously, quality makes a huge, huge difference!).

To Supplement or To Not Supplement

Dietary supplements are debated. Do? Don't do? Necessary? Not necessary?

I think everyone is different and everyone has unique needs. Rather than base your dietary supplement decisions on articles or blog posts, experiment for yourself. Curious about adding a supplement to your daily regimen, then try it out for a few weeks. Most natural vitamins and supplements will only do good, however, if you are on some prescription medications check with your doctor first before experimenting with dietary supplements, there are some supplements that don't mix well with medications.

I am a firm believer in dietary supplements. I take a handful of supplements daily. Even though I eat a very veggie heavy, balanced diet, of almost all organic produce, I feel supplements make a significant impact in my overall wellbeing and general feeling of good health. I also load up when I am feeling run down or a possible cold coming on, often kicking it in the butt before I become a gooey mess.

The argument is that if you are eating well and enough of a balanced diet then you should not need to supplement with dietary vitamins, minerals and supplements. I disagree. Food is just not as nutrient rich as it once was. With such a large population to feed and depleting the natural resources of the soil, unfortunately veggies don't have the same vitamin and mineral profile they once did. Again this is where buying organic and/or growing your own veggies is greatly beneficial; more nutrients. Even if you are an avid juicer like myself, still, you are probably not reaching your daily needs for most essential vitamins and minerals. (Check out https://www.reviews.com/juicer/ for a helpful juicer review.)

Yes, foods nowadays are fortified with vitamins and minerals. However, if it is fortified, it means a few things: 1) it is likely highly processed 2) it likely is coming out of a container of some kind 3) the naturally occurring vitamins, minerals, etc. were probably stripped out during the preservation process 4) foods consumed as close to as how they come from the earth don't need to be fortified. Fortification sounds like a good thing, but it's not. Your vitamins and minerals occurring in your foods shouldn't require a label, just a glorious color–green, yellow, orange, purple, red–eat your colors = lots of naturally occurring vitamins, minerals, supplemental goodness.

So with that understanding of doing your best to eat really nutrient dense, colorful veggies and fruits, with a few superfoods sprinkled in, you will be well on your way to getting more goodness than most.

I have read many articles and books on this topic, because it is of interest to me, and like I mentioned above, I am always willing to try a new supplement and see how it affects me. Here is a list of supplements everyone should be taking daily. While it is still debated, there is increasing evidence that everyone needs, and is severely deficient in this areas, so if nothing else, try adding this supplements to your diet for a month and see how they make you feel. It's a good rule of thumb to add one supplement/vitamin at a time. This will give you a clear representation of if the supplement is working for you or not.

10-20billion CFU probiotic (preferably the refrigerated kind)

• Probiotics and gut health are a hot topic right now, as it should be. The living microbiome we all have in our guts are our immune system hub. If they are not happy you are not happy. The slew of angry microbiome symptoms is long and wide. If you have ANY digestive issues, and even if you don't, add probiotics to your daily life. If you have brain fog, lethargy, general meg-ness, add probiotics to your life. They will make a noticeable difference. Promise! You can get probiotics from fermented foods like kefir, sauerkraut and kimchee, but why not do both and take a high CFU capsule everyday too. Your mind, gut and butt will thank you.

Vitamin D3

• Almost everyone, seriously everyone, is Vitamin D deficient. Even the recommended USDA 1,000-2,000 IUD/day is probably too low for most, especially in the winter, especially if you live a colder, darker climate. Vitamin D deficiencies can manifest in depression, lethargy, anxiety, the list keeps going. I would say start with the upper recommended dose of 2,000 IUD/day and experiment from there. I have read some even suggest upwards of 10,000 (!) IUD/day. Do what works for you, but make sure you have a VitD supplement in your daily life regardless of where you live, also make sure it is gel capsule, which is better absorbed.

A daily multi-vitamin 

• You want something that is well rounded and has a high percentage of your daily recommended intake for vitamins and minerals. I personally like the Solaray brand for many of my supplement needs.

Omega 3s

• Again a huge laking here for most people of these healthy fats. Good fats make your hair shiny, skin clearer, helps lubricate everything from joints to, brain synapses to bowel movements. Most diets are skewed in ratio of Omega 6s to Omega 3s. Omega 3s are the good fats and are naturally occurring in cold water fish, walnuts, flax seeds, chia seeds and so much more. Either take a supplement and, better yet, take a supplement and add these awesome superfoods to your daily diet too (I love to throw all my O3s in my mornings smoothie)

Dietary Fiber

• It is recommended that we need 25g-38g (women vs men) of fiber everyday. You know what, most of us aren't getting that with the things we eat. So double up here. Eat lots of veggies, fruits, gluten free whole grains that all have naturally occurring fiber AND take a supplemental dietary fiber. Your bowel movements will never be the same.

Turmeric

• Turmeric is a natural anti-inflammatory. It is a spice commonly used in Indian cuisine. It gives curries that bright yellow-orange color. Turmeric is nature's ibuprofen. I have noticed a huge different in my general inflammation and body achy-ness, especially after a strenuous workout by adding turmeric to my daily supplement list.

If nothing else, add these bad boys into your daily regimen and notice the difference in how you feel.

Another tip, which may sound odd, but I swear...Listen. To. Your. Body. I only take supplements when I resonate with them. I know, I know, that sounds wonky, but it is true. I will hold the supplement in my hand before I take it. And I tune into my body. If I have a general icky feeling or no feeling at all, I won't take the supplement. I take this as my body's way of telling me I don't need it. Sometimes if you take the same supplements everyday you can hit a point where you have sufficient levels, it's okay to back off. Listen to your body. Hold your supplement in your hand, tune in and your body will let you know if you need it or not. You don't have to be super rigid about your daily supplement and vitamin intake, trust your intuition, don't be afraid to experiment with your body and see what is working for you and what isn't.

That leads into one last point, when adding new supplements, vitamins and minerals into your life, first do your research, figure out why you want to take something, what are the benefits, what are the side effects, could you be getting that from food? But know, sometimes you will get digestive upset when adding a new supplement to your life. This is normal and should clear up pretty quickly. With added fiber you may get gassy. Some supplements may give you the runs. Others may make you feel woozy when not taken with food. Don't exceed the recommended dosage on the container and it is always a good rule to take your supplements with food (expect probiotics, take those on an empty stomach, like first thing in the morning, to let them work their full magic). If your digestive upset doesn't clear up in a few days, stop taking the supplement. This is where introducing new supplements one at a time will help you easily identify the culprit of the upset. I tried taking a resveratrol supplement for a while and I would immediately get diarrhea. I have allergic reactions to drinking red wine, I thought, I will get the benefits from the capsule, nope, the diarrhea was immediate. So I stopped taking them. You can try to find a different brand, or maybe if you tune in, your body will tell you, "Nah, I don't really need that." So listen.

Here are the other supplements I use in my daily life, in case you are curious. If you are curious as to why I take these, you can contact me alixhealthcoach@gmail.com or visit eatbelivewell.com for more info:

Magnesium Glycenate - an essential mineral many are deficient in
Quercetin - nature's antihistamine, great for allergy sufferers
Vitamin D - a must if you live in the Northeast
Turmeric - anti-inflammatory
Probiotics - happy gut

Superfoods. Sprinkle them on your salad. Add them to a smoothie. They are awesome! You need these in your life:
Chia seeds
Flax seeds
Hemp seeds
Flax oil
Liquid minerals
Spirulina
Chlorella
Bee pollen
Freeze dried organic greens or JuicePlus
Potato starch - natural resistant starch

Stop Should-ing Yourself

My mind lives in a constant state of "shoulds". You should be like this, you should have that, you shouldn't want that, you should because...shoulda, woulda, coulda. Fuck shoulds! I say!

If you are like me your are swayed by societal expectations, standards, judgments, whathaveyou of what we "should" all want, need, be, aspire to, define success by, the list goes on and on and on! Ack! How are we expected to get out of bed in the morning with all these shoulds?

Shoulds are a judgment. They are a comparison that somehow where you are right now is not enough. That. Is. Not. OK! You should not should yourself or others. Especially ourselves! Again if you are anything like me you are hardest on yourself more than anyone ever could be ever; and when someone says something, or constructively criticizes you, you snap, because you have spent so much time putting yourself down and should-ing yourself long before the loving person said something simple like, "You know, you should..." cue tears.

I just had a radical thought... I SHOULD not be anywhere then where I am right this very moment! Mind blown?! Radical thought, right?! 

Being caught in shoulds means it is impossible for you(me) to be present. You are always comparing to the past or expecting something in the future. A shit load of shoulds. Be now. Live now. Accept you as you are RIGHT NOW, without any shoulds, comparisons, judgments, or expectations. You are exactly how you should be right now and love that self entirely!

We do not change out of disgust or hatred towards self. We change out of loving-kindness for ourselves. We change out of loving our self enough to want something different, something positive, perhaps, dare I say better (but there are hidden shoulds and comparison in better) so, change comes when we love yourselves enough to be open to growth.

Practicing loving-kindness towards ourselves is SO much hard than loving-kindness towards others. It is also so much easier to forgive others' faults, missteps, shoulds, yet somehow we can't extend the same empathy towards self.

To that I say stop should-ing yourself!! (Another glorious anthem I learned at this past weekends' NVC seminar). 

So my current should directed at myself is I should be healthier, thinner, more fit. Hell I'm a Health Coach right, I gotta look the part. Well yes, I need all those things from a place of good health, but I am no means unhealthy. I am just carrying more weight than I like to. So I've been beating myself up, "You should..", " You should...", and then I said, excuse me, but if I were talking to ANYONE else, a client, a friend, a loved one, I would never should them! I would never tell them to be anywhere else than where they are right now, and yet I can't extend the same courtesy to myself, WTF?!? Right! How cruel can we be to ourselves?! 

The past 2 years have been very emotional and straining, and to pow, expect Cameron Diaz' body in a mere 3 months of starting to heal and take care of myself, after 2 years of building frustrations, sadness, stress on top of stress, etc., that's a big f-ing should, madness I tell you. Madness! So I just honored myself and my beautiful body for it's strength and courage to embark on a journey that is scary–self-employment in a burgeoning, some may call a woo-woo field, but I believe in it and I believe that this is my true passion and calling. So what, if I am a work in progress while I am helping my clients who are also a work in progress? It does not mean that I don't have the education, knowledge and ability to support my clients. I can and will be a Health Coach even if my health is something I work on daily.

I think health is like yoga, both should be thought of as forms of practice. You never achieve perfect health. You never achieve perfect yoga nirvana bendiness. Both are practices of surrender, loving-kindness towards your body and breath, and what they both do for you now, at this moment in your life and on your mat. Health and yoga are not end goals, they are daily reminders to practice loving-kindness, maitri (my new favorite word), towards self, to nourish your body with clean, good whole foods, and yoga is practice with your current amazing body, building strength, groundedness, and an ability to move and breathe in gratitude and acceptance of you, as you are NOW.

Stop should-ing yourself and I will too. 

We are beautiful right as we are this very moment–writing blog posts in pj's, glasses, no makeup or bra, loving myself because this is the one body I get. I am taking care of myself, addressing past pent up emotions, eating well, moving daily and growing and nourishing from the inside out, because for the first time in my life I feel like the path in front of me, although foreign, is bright and encouraging and extremely exciting to be on.

I should not be anywhere but where I am right now.

Soaked Almonds and Loving-Kindness

There is so much to write about because there is so much going on – good stuff, building my business and growing self and my spirituality – all awesomeness!!

First an oops - learn from my mistake lesson....

I have read over and over the value and ability to get more nutrients from nuts and seeds by soaking them. Soaking helps remove the naturally occurring toxins on most nuts (hey they are meant to be planted to grow a new plant, these toxins protect the nuts and seeds) and also helps the nutrients, minerals and vitamins be more available for you to digest. Read more about the philosophy and way to soak your nuts from Wellness Mama, she explains it well.

So I purchased some beautiful, organic raw almonds and covered them with water and a bit of salt for a little over 24 hours. I rinsed them until the water ran clear and then I spread them out to dry. I skipped the suggested step of drying them in the oven, it seemed counterintuitive to me to "dry" the nuts in the oven after you just uncovered all the goodness. I thought maybe it would bake away the goodness, that, and I don't follow directions well :-P, I'm a do-it-yourselfer, and sometimes I pay the price.

So I let my almonds sit out to dry for the better part of most of a day, maybe 10-12 hours, then I threw them in a glass jar.

They were delicious, creamy, juicy (who knew a nut could be juicy?) and I also noticed I could eat fewer as a snack and feel more fulfilled and for a longer period of time. I'm sold, soaking nuts is the way to go!

So I attended a seminar this weekend, more on that in a bit, but I grabbed my jar full of soaked almonds, threw it in my bag to take with me. On one of our breaks during the seminar I realized my nuts we starting to mold - eew! So I picked out the few and went about eating my nuts. Well today, they are filled with mold, double eew! So yeah, I guess the drying process in the oven is necessary, and I suspect the super low temp (150˚ I think) won't likely do much nutrient zapping and will likely save you from having to compost your entire batch of gorgeously, soaked organic almonds.

Nice pic of almonds you might think.....but no, see the yuckiness?! Wahh! :(

Learn from me kids! Don't waste your money and FOLLOW DIRECTIONS ;-P.

So this seminar....

I took a seminar on Open Communication, also known as Nonviolent Communication with Peggy Smith, at the Green Gem in Bangor this weekend. What a beautiful, eye opening, expansive experience. It was so amazing to learn how imperfectly we communicate and how we so easily say words and judgements, often not even intending to, but being hurtful to or triggering the recipient. Hence all the conflict in the world! :o While I did learn about active listening or empathic listening in my Health Coach course at IIN, I had the ability to practice it this weekend and so much more. 

I would highly, highly recommend as a universe we learn more about nonviolent communication. It should be taught in schools early on. If we all were more in touch with our feelings and new that there are universal needs we all have, we could avoid SO much conflict. It was liberating to learn that there are core universal needs that all humans have, and no this does not mean are "needy", but that we all have basic needs that are associated with every. single. feeling. we have. When we have a feeling it is because it is associated with a need being or not being meet.

NVC is a beautiful practice and a glorious tool because communication is imperfect, but if we learn to approach each other from a place of empathy, openness and curiosity the world would be such a better place.

Lastly this ties into a book I have been reading each morning upon waking, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times, by Pema Chödrön. It is an illuminating and insightful book. While I can not due it justice in a mere few sentences, what is really resonating with me right now is Pema talks about maitri the sanskrit word for loving-kindness. Loving-kindness for ourselves, which so few of us actually practice and believe is even a possibility, extrapolating into loving-kindness for each other.

I think both the book and my recent attendance to the seminar illuminates my need, but also the universal need for loving-kindness towards self, everyone and everything in this world. 

But let's each start with loving kindness to our selves.

What makes maitri such a different approach is that we are not trying to solve a problem. We are not striving to make pain go away or to become a better person. In fact, we are giving up control altogether and letting concepts and ideals fall apart.

The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves. Yet it's never too late or too early to practice loving-kindness.