If you are like me your are swayed by societal expectations, standards, judgments, whathaveyou of what we "should" all want, need, be, aspire to, define success by, the list goes on and on and on! Ack! How are we expected to get out of bed in the morning with all these shoulds?
Shoulds are a judgment. They are a comparison that somehow where you are right now is not enough. That. Is. Not. OK! You should not should yourself or others. Especially ourselves! Again if you are anything like me you are hardest on yourself more than anyone ever could be ever; and when someone says something, or constructively criticizes you, you snap, because you have spent so much time putting yourself down and should-ing yourself long before the loving person said something simple like, "You know, you should..." cue tears.
I just had a radical thought... I SHOULD not be anywhere then where I am right this very moment! Mind blown?! Radical thought, right?!
Being caught in shoulds means it is impossible for you(me) to be present. You are always comparing to the past or expecting something in the future. A shit load of shoulds. Be now. Live now. Accept you as you are RIGHT NOW, without any shoulds, comparisons, judgments, or expectations. You are exactly how you should be right now and love that self entirely!
We do not change out of disgust or hatred towards self. We change out of loving-kindness for ourselves. We change out of loving our self enough to want something different, something positive, perhaps, dare I say better (but there are hidden shoulds and comparison in better) so, change comes when we love yourselves enough to be open to growth.
Practicing loving-kindness towards ourselves is SO much hard than loving-kindness towards others. It is also so much easier to forgive others' faults, missteps, shoulds, yet somehow we can't extend the same empathy towards self.
To that I say stop should-ing yourself!! (Another glorious anthem I learned at this past weekends' NVC seminar).
So my current should directed at myself is I should be healthier, thinner, more fit. Hell I'm a Health Coach right, I gotta look the part. Well yes, I need all those things from a place of good health, but I am no means unhealthy. I am just carrying more weight than I like to. So I've been beating myself up, "You should..", " You should...", and then I said, excuse me, but if I were talking to ANYONE else, a client, a friend, a loved one, I would never should them! I would never tell them to be anywhere else than where they are right now, and yet I can't extend the same courtesy to myself, WTF?!? Right! How cruel can we be to ourselves?!
The past 2 years have been very emotional and straining, and to pow, expect Cameron Diaz' body in a mere 3 months of starting to heal and take care of myself, after 2 years of building frustrations, sadness, stress on top of stress, etc., that's a big f-ing should, madness I tell you. Madness! So I just honored myself and my beautiful body for it's strength and courage to embark on a journey that is scary–self-employment in a burgeoning, some may call a woo-woo field, but I believe in it and I believe that this is my true passion and calling. So what, if I am a work in progress while I am helping my clients who are also a work in progress? It does not mean that I don't have the education, knowledge and ability to support my clients. I can and will be a Health Coach even if my health is something I work on daily.
I think health is like yoga, both should be thought of as forms of practice. You never achieve perfect health. You never achieve perfect yoga nirvana bendiness. Both are practices of surrender, loving-kindness towards your body and breath, and what they both do for you now, at this moment in your life and on your mat. Health and yoga are not end goals, they are daily reminders to practice loving-kindness, maitri (my new favorite word), towards self, to nourish your body with clean, good whole foods, and yoga is practice with your current amazing body, building strength, groundedness, and an ability to move and breathe in gratitude and acceptance of you, as you are NOW.
Stop should-ing yourself and I will too.
We are beautiful right as we are this very moment–writing blog posts in pj's, glasses, no makeup or bra, loving myself because this is the one body I get. I am taking care of myself, addressing past pent up emotions, eating well, moving daily and growing and nourishing from the inside out, because for the first time in my life I feel like the path in front of me, although foreign, is bright and encouraging and extremely exciting to be on.
I should not be anywhere but where I am right now.
